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When you sense an attraction to!

Tim and Sarah were devoted to each other. They both described their marriage as happy and fulfilled and were totally committed to staying married to each other for the rest of their lives. Then Sarah was sent on a year long day release course by her employers. There were very few women on the course and lots of young men her age, but Sarah felt quite safe because of her good marriage. She began to chat to Simon, who was a Christian with a young family, and so she thought it would be alright to be friends with him. But soon Sarah noticed that she was looking forward to her course days, because she would see Simon. She began to sense a thrill when she was near him, and to find herself dressing to be more attractive when she knew she might see him. Before long she found herself thinking about Simon much of the time, wondering what he was doing when they were apart, wondering what he thought about her, and dreaming about spending time with him.

She would make sure that she sat near him and was close to him and found ways to eat lunch with him too. Soon he began to notice her, too. He enjoyed her attention. Things were beginning to get dangerous…

Sarah didn’t know what to do, She couldn’t understand why she would be attracted to another man when she was so happily married to Tim. There was nothing about her marriage that appeared wrong.

Be aware that you will be attracted to other people. Just as you find some flowers, foods or clothes more attractive than others, so you will also find some people more attractive than others. Acknowledging that this may happen is an important part of keeping your marriage safe. When we don’t acknowledge that this can be a problem, we may not recognise the early stages of attraction.

Make it a goal of your marriage to develop a strong trust of each other and a climate where you can each freely talk about the times you are attracted to people of the opposite sex. You can even make a joke out of doing this. It may sound strange, but many couples are finding that being free to be totally honest with each other can help remove the secrecy that can fuel an affair.

You could find a trusted friend of the same sex to talk through some of your experiences when you find that you are becoming attracted to another person. Make yourself accountable to them for the times you spend with the other person. Check out with them things you are thinking about the other person, and listen to their perspectives. Help to keep them safe in their relationships by doing the same for them.

Recognise that the experience of attraction can be an overwhelming and powerful force that can easily get out of hand, and think ahead of time about how you might manage those feelings.

Pray for your marriage and ask God to help you keep your marriage safe and your attentions focussed in the right direction. When you think you might become attracted to someone else ask yourself ‘How does God see what is happening here?’

Read the book of Proverbs for creative wisdom in managing relationships, and the results of adultery.

Try a ‘reality check’. What would be the implications for you and your family if you chose to have an affair? How much could you lose by making a choice like this? What would your friends, church, family and children say about what you are doing? What do you not like about the person? Find ten things you really dislike about the other person and focus on them when you find the attraction overwhelming.

If and when you feel able, talk to your spouse in an honest and loving way about what you are experiencing. Talk time to build your own marriage by talking with each other, and doing special things together.

You might like to try putting the energy, which may come from your attraction to someone else, into your own relationship. Replace the thoughts you have about the other person with thoughts about your own spouse, do the things you would like to do with the other person with each other. Dress as attractively for your own spouse.