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Editorial

 

Send your ideas, thoughts and feelings to LetsConnect

Heather Haworth. Women’s Ministries Department. British Union Conference of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.  Stanborough Park. Watford. Hertfordshire. WD25 9JZ. United Kingdom.

email contact:-   Letsconnect

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Classic FM radio has an annual vote of the top 300 most popular tunes. These are always played over the Easter weekend. This has become a musical landmark in the listener’s calendar. There are other events that we have in our life that are defining moments. Some are happy occasions like marriage, birth, finally leaving college and getting the first wage. Others are ones we would rather forget. I suppose the worst is the death of a love one. Many rituals have become associated with remembering those who have died; armistices’ day being such a day of mourning.

 Perhaps the most well known time for remembering the dead is Easter but this is not an ordinary time for tears of sadness because we rejoice at the news that the grave could not hold Jesus. He rose again to eternal life and because of that all those who believe and follow him will also rise from the grave. Until that happy event of being reunited with our resurrected loved one we have to deal with bereavement.

 In this issue we include articles from Care for the Family www.careforthefamily.org who give guidance on how we can cope in our own life with this trauma of death and how to help others too. Karen Holford in her book The Family Book, published by Autumn House, shares how to cope with the daily things in life that challenge us and how to support one another too. She also looks at how there is hope because Jesus will come again to this earth to create paradise and put an end to the existence of our fatal enemy, death.

 This is not a mournful edition, it is one of hope and joy so read on…

 

 

 

 

 

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Contentment in Jesus

 His water quenches my thirst; I don’t need to dig other cisterns.

 His bread fills my hunger; I don’t need to gather up crumbs.

 His banqueting table is extravagant; I don’t need to eat at outside diners.

 His presence is fullness of joy; I don’t need to seek ways to find fulfilment.

 His peace passes understanding; I don’t need to get an artificial fix.

 His will is perfect; I don’t need to acquire a better plan.

 His wisdom is flawless; I don’t need to listen to the world’s point of view.

 His redemption is complete; I don’t need to hunt for another saviour. 

His covenant is certain; I don’t need to read a different guarantee.

 His provision meets my needs; I don’t need to be on a quest for more.

 His kingdom is unshakable; I don’t need to find a more secure place to stand.

His smile is enough; I don’t need to seek the applause of others.

 His life is glorious; I don’t need to look for another reason to live.

 His return is sure; I don’t need to let my heart be troubled.

 

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·        

How you can help bereaved parents

 

DO

 

DON’T

 

Do talk to us – even if you don’t know what to say. Knowing that you are sorry about our loss is a good start.

 

Don’t avoid us – it hurts so much when you cross the road when you see us coming, rather than be willing to face us.

 

Do keep in touch; keep phoning, especially as weeks turn into months and years. Be available.

 

Don’t phone and then say “let me know if I can help”.

 

Do talk about our children – we love to hear your memories of them.

 

Don’t worry about feeling ‘awkward’ – be normal, yourself, our friend – we are still the same people.

 

Do think carefully before you speak – we’re feeling quite vulnerable at the moment and insensitivity could pull us down very low.

 

Don’t come out with platitudes, trite answers about it “being for the best” or “seeing each other again one day”. We long to see them now.

 

Do listen – it can be more important than what you say. Sometimes we just need to know that we are heard.

 

Don’t say things like – “You can always have another, you’re young.” Children are not replaceable.

 

Do give practical support. We’re not able to cope with routines at the moment so  providing meals, help at home and with our children, is vital.

 

Don’t wait to be asked to help – initially there is so much help we need with just about everything.

 

Do offer specific help – “I’ll pick the children up on Friday, take them out, give them tea and bring them back at 6.”

 

Don’t overload us with responsibilities – for a while it will be all we can cope with to get out of bed and get dressed.

 

Do talk about everyday things that matter as well we’re still interested in you and what is going on around us, but ‘small talk’ can seem very trivial.

 

If you have a faith, don’t be super-spiritual, feel you need to pray with us, or have to defend God’s case.

 

Do understand that it will take time for us even to begin to adjust to life, as it has to be for us from now on.

 

Don’t feel you have to do something – just be there.

 

Do give us space to be as we are, tears and all don’t try to discourage our tears and please be willing to cry with us too.

 

Don’t ignore the loss, or avoid asking about our child. Most bereaved parents long to talk and talk about the child who has died.

 

Do be sensitive and aware, e.g. Christmas cards – a mention of our child will let us know that you miss them at this time too.

 

Don’t expect us to be over it – we will never get over it, but will find a ‘new normal life’ in time.

 

Do remember the Fathers! They can sometimes be neglected as they may not be so willing to talk. Give time to both parents.

 

Don’t say – “Be strong” – (it means “Don’t share your pain, keep it to yourself.”)

 

Do take special care of those of us who parent alone. We have no-one to measure ourselves against to see how we’re doing.

 

Don’t assume that because we seem to be coping, we don’t need your help. We have no choice but to keep the family going.

 

Do make allowances for our children’s behaviour. It may be very disruptive and difficult. They need lots of patience and love.

 

Don’t forget to give time and attention to our children – we may be struggling with our feelings towards them.

 

Do invite us out to coffee or lunch – just to have a change of scene for a while.

 

Don’t tell us that you’ve been too busy to phone or get in touch. Better to say, “We didn’t know what to say.”

 

Do still invite us to events and parties, but understand if sometimes we feel unable to go or have to leave early.

 

Don’t avoid the issue with us just because there are other people around – at the school gate, in church, or at work.

 

Do remember that appearances can be deceptive we may look as if we’re coping okay, but inside we may be falling apart.

 

Don’t ask how we are if you only want to hear, okay, thank you.” Be prepared for the truth!

 

Do treat us as two individuals, even though we are a couple we may be grieving in very different ways.

 

Don’t assume that losing our child will draw us closer together as a couple. We each need your support and your help in our relationship.

 

Do remember that there is no time limit on grief it will go on long after others expect. Please walk that road with us.

 

If you have a faith, don’t just say, “I’m praying for you” – be prepared to be part of the answer by getting involved.

 

Do find ways to remember the anniversaries that the family will appreciate be creative; we appreciate others’ ideas.

 

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, cry with us and tell us how you feel.

 

Do be ready to listen to all the jumble of emotions we may be feeling, without trying to give answers.

 

Don’t be judgemental of our behaviour, words, actions or attitudes – they will find a proper level in time.

 

Do be aware that siblings may react in ways that seem out of character – they have gone through the worst experience imaginable and may be very frightened and insecure.

 

Don’t try to give us answers – it is unlikely that you will have any that will satisfy us. Just allow us to express all our fears, questions and doubts.

 

Do show sensitivity – ring first – don’t just turn up at the door; although sometimes it may be just the break we need – be prepared for us to say that we can’t cope with company just now.

 

Don’t tell us to “count our blessings” as we have “other healthy children”. We are grieving for the one who has gone and nothing will bring them back.

 

Do be aware that there will be times when we don’t feel able to talk – but this doesn’t mean we won’t want to talk at another time.

 

Don’t say you understand how we feel – whatever your loss, it will be different from ours as each person’s grief is individual.

 

Do help with planning and suggestions for the funeral – you could spend months thinking of a wedding and just days for a funeral. The details are very important.

 

Don’t think that the age of the child determines their value and the impact – the loss is also of our dreams and their potential.

 

Do encourage us to be kind to ourselves and not push ourselves to meet other people’s expectations of how we should be.

 

Don’t try to find something positive in our child’s death.

 

Do let us know that you share our sense of loss and that you miss our child too. This can take away isolation and be a great support.

 

Don’t think that death puts a ban on laughter. Remembering and enjoying the times we had together is important and helps us to heal.

 

 

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How other people can help

 

Do

Don’t

Do talk to me – even if you don’t know what to say. Knowing that you are sorry is a good start.

 

Don’t avoid me – it hurts so much when you cross the road when you see me coming rather than be willing to face me.

 

Do keep in touch; keep phoning especially as weeks turn into months and years. Be available.

 

Don’t phone and then say “let me know if I can help”.

 

Do talk about my partner – we love to hear your memories of him/her.

 

Don’t worry about feeling ‘awkward’ - be normal, yourself, my friend – I am still the same person.

 

Do think carefully before you speak – I’m feeling quite vulnerable at the moment and insensitivity could pull me down very low.

 

Don’t come out with platitudes, trite answers or comments. Right now, all I want is to have him/her back.

 

Do listen – it can be more important than what you say. Sometimes I need to know that I am heard.

 

Don’t say things like – “You can always marry again, you’re still young.”

 

Do give practical support. I’m not able to cope with routines at the moment so providing meals, help at home and with my children is vital.

 

Don’t wait to be asked to help – initially there is so much help I need with just about everything.

 

Do offer specific help – “I’ll pick the children up on Friday, take them out, give them tea and bring them back at 6.”

 

Don’t overload me with responsibilities – for a while it will be all I can cope with to get out of bed and get dressed.

 

Do talk about everyday things that matter as well – I’m still interested in you and what is going on around me, but ‘small talk’ can seem very trivial.

 

If you have a faith, don’t be super-spiritual, feel you need to quote scripture and pray with me, or have to defend God’s case.

 

Do understand it will take time for me even to begin to adjust to life as it has to be for me from now on.

 

Don’t feel you have to do something – just be there.

 

Do give me space to be as I am, tears and all – don’t try to discourage my tears and please be willing to cry with me too.

 

Don’t ignore the loss, or avoid asking about my partner. Most bereaved people long to talk and talk about the one who has died.

 

Do be sensitive and aware e.g. Christmas cards – a mention of my partner will let me know that you miss him/her at this time too.

 

Don’t expect me to be over it – I will never get over it, but will find a ‘new normal life’ in time.

 

Do remember my children! They can sometimes be neglected as they may not be so willing to talk.

 

Don’t say – “Be strong” – (it means “Don’t share your pain, keep it to yourself”).

 

Do make allowances for my children’s behaviour. It may be very disruptive and difficult. They need lots of patience and love.

 

Don’t forget to give time and attention to my children – I may be struggling with my feelings towards them.

 

Do invite me out to coffee or lunch – just to change the scene for a while.

 

Don’t tell me that you’ve been too busy to phone or get in touch. Better to say “we didn’t know what to say”.

 

Do still invite me to events and parties, but understand if sometimes I feel unable to go or have to leave early.

 

Don’t avoid the issue publicly - in schools, in churches etc.

 

Do remember that appearances can be deceptive – I may look as if I’m coping okay, but inside I may be falling apart.

 

Don’t ask how I am if you only want to hear, “I’m okay, thank you.” Be prepared for the truth!

 

Do remember that there is no time limit on grief – it will go on long after others expect. Please walk that road with me.

 

If you have a faith, don’t just say, “I’m praying for you.” – be prepared to be part of the answer by getting involved.

 

Do find ways to remember the anniversaries that the family will appreciate – be creative, I appreciate others’ ideas.

 

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, cry with me, and tell me how you feel.

 

Do be ready to listen to all the jumble of emotions I may be feeling without trying to give answers or being judgemental.

 

Don’t be judgmental of my behaviour, words, actions or attitudes – they will find a proper level in time.

 

Do be aware that my children may react in ways that seem out of character – they have gone through the worst experience imaginable and may be very frightened and insecure.

 

Don’t try and give me answers – it is unlikely that you will have any that will satisfy me – just allow me to express all my fears, questions and doubts.

 

Do show sensitivity – ring first – don’t just turn up at the door; although sometimes it may be just the break I need – be prepared for me to say that I can’t cope with company just now.

 

Don’t measure the way I react and the emotions I express by your own expectations or experience. My grief is unique to me.

 

Do be aware that there will be times when I don’t feel able to talk – but this doesn’t mean I won’t want to talk at another time.

 

Don’t say you understand how I feel – whatever your loss it will be different to mine as each grief is individual.

 

Do help with planning and suggestions for the funeral – you could spend months thinking of a wedding and just days for a funeral. The details are very important.

 

Don’t think that “he/she’s still got many years of life ahead of him/her”. The life I was living and planning is over. I need to adjust to that first before thinking about the future

 

Do encourage me to be kind to myself and not push myself to meet other peoples’ expectations of how I should be.

 

Don’t try to find something positive in my partner’s death.

 

Do let me know that you share my sense of loss and that you miss my partner too. This can take away isolation and be a great support.

Don’t think that death puts a ban on laughter. Remembering and enjoying the times we had together is important and helps me to heal.

 

 

 

 

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Health and Beauty

 

 
 

 

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THE GLUE THAT HOLDS US TOGETHER

 

A doctor-friend wrote:

 A couple of days ago I was running (I use that term very loosely) on my treadmill, watching a DVD sermon by Louie Giglio... and I was BLOWN AWAY!  I want to share what I learned... but I fear not being able to convey it as well as I want, but will share anyway.

 He (Louie) was talking about how inconceivably BIG our God is... how He spoke the universe into being... how He breathes stars out of His mouth that are huge raging balls of fire... etc.  Then he went on to speak of how this star-breathing, universe creating God ALSO knitted our human bodies together with amazing detail and wonder.  At this point I am LOVING it (fascinating from a medical standpoint, you know)... and I was remembering how I was constantly amazed during medical school as I learned more and more about God’s handiwork I remember so many times thinking... ‘How can ANYONE deny that a Creator did all of this???’

 Louie went on to talk about how we can trust that the God who created all this, also has the power to hold it all together when things seem to be falling apart... how our loving Creator is also our sustainer.

 And then I lost my breath, and it wasn’t because I was running my treadmill either!!  It was because he started talking about laminin.

 I knew about laminin.  Here is how Wikipedia describes it: ‘Laminins are a family of proteins that are an integral part of the structural scaffolding of basement membranes in almost every animal tissue.’  You see, laminins are what hold us together... LITERALLY.  They are cell adhesion molecules.  They are what holds one cell of our bodies to the next cell.  Without them, we would literally fall apart.  And I knew all this already.  But what I didn’t know is what laminin LOOKED LIKE.

 But now I do.  And I have thought about it a thousand times since (already)...

 Here is what the structure of laminin looks like and this is not a ‘Christian portrayal’ of it.  If you look up laminin in any scientific/medical piece of literature, this is what you will see:

Now tell me that our God is not the coolest!!  Amazing!

 

The glue that holds us together – ALL of us – is in the shape of the CROSS!

 

Immediately Colossians 1:15-17 comes to mind.

‘He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.  For by Him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible; whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.  He is before all things, and in him all things HOLD TOGETHER.’

 

 

 

Call me crazy.  I just think that is very, very, very cool.

 

 

Thousands of years before the world knew anything about laminin, Paul penned those words.  And now we see that from a very LITERAL standpoint, we are held together, one cell to another, by the cross.

 You would never in a quadrillion years convince me that is anything other than the mark of a Creator who knew EXACTLY what laminin ‘glue’ would look like long before Adam even breathed his first breath!

 

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Hungry for Heaven

 Thursday July 7th 2005. I was leaving my office to meet a friend and we were going to assemble a doll’s house: a graduation gift from our class to the Family Therapy Department where we were finishing our Masters degrees. Joanne called me, ‘Karen, I can’t get into London today. There has been a fire or something on the Underground train in front of mine and the line has been closed. I’m just going straight back home.’ I clicked onto the BBC website, wondering if I’d be able to get into London for my college class later that day. There was something about an electrical problem on the Underground, but the details were a bit muddled, perhaps a fire, maybe an explosion.

I thought of my daughter, Beth. She was commuting into central London to work. I felt strangely uneasy. I picked up my cell phone to call her.

As I dialled the number, she was walking down the street towards my office. Her train from home had stopped at the station closest to my office, and everyone had been ordered to disembark because its main London train terminal had been closed. Some people were trying to catch the slow train to London which was waiting nearby. Others were asking the guard what was wrong. Beth overheard him saying, ‘If I were you I wouldn’t go into London today.’ She decided to abandon her journey and come to my office instead. Minutes later we heard that a bomb had exploded in the tube station that had been her destination.

Even though we were safe, the thought of what was happening in London, just a few miles away, silenced us both, as we sat and watched the horror that was unfolding on my computer screen. This wasn’t a rumour, a distant rumbling of news; this was evil close up, with suicide bombers, broken bodies, vivid images and tragic personal stories. Some of our friends were there.

It’s at times like these that my heart, hungry for heaven, yearns for Jesus to return and put an end to all the millions of indescribable miseries and tragedies of the world. I can’t bear the thought of one more child being abused, one more suicide bomber, one more racially motivated attack, one more case of HIV/AIDS, one more night of tears. But I am also a little hesitant, a little fearful, because, to be honest, I know things will get even worse before Jesus comes again. Fear is mingled with the hope.

 Like being pregnant…

I suppose it’s like being pregnant. I was eagerly anticipating the birth of my first baby, but, as time went on, I became more weary and uncomfortable, and I began to worry about going into labor. I didn’t know when it would happen, or where I would be when the contractions would begin, or my waters would break, and I was not very excited about the idea of all that pain! But I knew that when it was all over I would be able to hold my baby for the first time, and lavish her with all of my love, and that hope kept me going through the discomfort and fears.

We believe God loves us and is making a new place for us to live. We don’t know when He’ll come again, but we do know that there’ll be difficult and painful times before we get to heaven (which will be incredibly more than we can ever imagine, 1 Corinthians 2:9). It won’t be easy, but He has promised to be with us, and to bring us to a place full of peace, joy and love, reuniting us with lost loved ones, putting an end to our oppression, and wiping away our tears (Revelation 21:4).

 It must be soon

Each month, each day, seems to bring new and increasingly dramatic stories. The Tsunami disaster, Hurricane Katrina, bird flu, HIV/AIDS, ecological disasters, starvation in Sudan, Iraq, terrorism, wars and rumours of wars. Surely the world can’t go on much longer? How bad do things have to be before Jesus returns? My grandfather thought that the end must be close, that there nothing more evil could ever happen, when he sifted through the blitzed city of Coventry during World War II, looking for signs of life amongst the sirens, smoke and shattered homes of his friends. Yet here we are in the twenty-first century, still waiting and wondering how dark and evil this world has to be before God calls an end to Satan’s experiment with sin.

Jesus knew that there would be troublesome events happening before His second coming. He told His disciples about the wars, earthquakes, famines and diseases that would take place (Luke 21:10). Paul told Timothy that people would love themselves and their own pleasure more than they would love God and other human beings (2 Timothy 3:1-5). John wrote about the spiritual signs that would indicate that the second coming was near. He wrote that there would be economic pressure on Jesus’ followers to encourage them to reject their faith (Revelation 13:17) as well as the threat of death (Revelation 13:15). But soon after those times Jesus would return to save those who believed in Him and kept God’s commandments.

Jesus came to earth the first time and fulfilled all the prophecies that pointed to His life and death on earth. Just as surely He will keep His promises and return the second time to take us to be with Him in the heaven He is preparing for us (John 14:1-3).

 So, why are we waiting?

Even the long wait for Jesus to return to this earth is evidence of His extravagant love (2 Peter 3:9). Each day, as new people choose to believe in Him, He knows that more of His beloved human children will join Him in heaven one day. This is the positive flip-side to the waiting time. We don’t know how long we’ll have to wait, but we can all help by living lives that show God’s love to those around us.

We can, and should, do all we can to relieve suffering in this world by acting to reduce starvation and by encouraging all countries to place a high value on all human life. We need to be good stewards of the world’s resources and be concerned about recycling and the environmental impact of our different choices. We can take a stand against war, violence and poverty, and care for those suffering from diseases such as HIV/AIDS (Matthew 25:31-46).

 Watching with love

As a teenager I remember reading stories that imagined how the second coming would be. They each followed a similar pattern, usually around Sunday Laws, and water being too polluted to drink, except where the believers were. There would be persecution, Christians going into hiding, or being arrested and sentenced to death. Just as they were about to be executed, Jesus returned in clouds of glory and rescued them. As I grew older I wondered about the traditional ideas that Adventists had of Jesus’ return to earth. We have detailed charts of every event of the Second Advent, but I am still uneasy…The priests and scholars in Jesus’ time thought they knew every detail of their Messiah’s arrival, but they completely missed the welcoming party!

The Second Coming will take place because of what God is doing, but we have a part to play, alongside the waiting. When Jesus spoke to His disciples about the events leading up to His second coming He also told them what they needed to do – be vigilant, be ready, be filled with the Holy Spirit, and treat everyone with grace, generosity and loving kindness (Matthew 24 and 25). Living God’s love, by speaking words of encouragement and comfort, accepting those who have made mistakes, supporting those who are struggling, comforting those who are sad, and sharing the good news of a loving Saviour, are some of the best ways we can help share the gospel with the whole world.

 Hope for a scarred and scary world

Our belief in the second coming of Jesus is a source of hope in an aching and frightening world. This hope comforts us because we know that our here-and-now life is not all there is, and that death is not the end of our relationships. However damaged the world, it is safe in the hands of a loving and caring Father God, who longs to be reunited with as many of His children as possible.

 The Kingdom of Heaven is now

But the hope of heaven is not just something for the future. Jesus said that His kingdom was already within us (Luke 17:20-21), bringing with it the inspiration of hope, pure love, peace of mind, and soaring joy of heaven. Jesus said that His kingdom is like yeast – a small amount transforms a whole batch of dough. As Christians we can feel overwhelmed when we think of all the people who still need to know how much God loves them. But the good news is that we can be the yeast! Even the smallest acts of love and kindness, or other heaven-inspired words and actions, can have a powerful influence on those around us, growing the kingdom of heaven on earth and preparing the world for Jesus’ return.

When we live in the reality of God’s grace we can give our past sins, painful memories and mistakes to Him. When we let Him have our future, our concerns and our worries, we can experience this present moment, the now, with a greater sense of the peace, joy and love that comes from the kingdom of heaven. As we live each day in this kingdom of love we can find ourselves freer to love others, and we can live ready for Jesus whenever He returns.

          My belief in Jesus’ second coming enables me to have a bigger picture about my place in the entire scheme of things. I know this world is not all there is, and the more troubled and weary the world becomes, the hungrier I am for heaven.

          I also know that death is not the end. I don’t want to die and would do everything possible to stay alive, but I know that there is nothing that can happen to me that will separate me from God, and that, when I die, the next thing I know will be the second coming of Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4:16). What a wonder!

          Come, Lord Jesus, come. ‘And He says “Yes, I am coming soon.” Amen. Come Lord Jesus.’ Revelation 22:20.

 For further study

 

Signs of the Second Coming – Matthew 24:1-51; Mark 13:1-37; Luke 21:10,11; Revelation 6:1-17; 14:6-16

Some parables of the Second Coming

The parable of the workers in the vineyard – Matthew 20:1-16

The parable of the two sons – Matthew 21:28-32

The parable of the tenants – Matthew 21:33-41; Mark 12:1-10

The parable of the wedding banquet – Matthew 22:1-14

The parable of the ten virgins - Matthew 25:1-13

The sheep and the goats – Matthew 25:31-46

The parable of the talents – Matthew 25:14-30

The budding fig tree - Luke 21:28-31

Only God knows the time – Matthew 24:36

Jesus’ promise to return – John 14:1-3

Events of the Second Coming – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-5:11

The heaven we hope for – Revelation 21, 22

The reason we wait – 2 Peter 3:9

How we can be ready – Matthew 25:31-40; 1 Thessalonians 5:4-8; Revelation 14:12

 

Karen Holford works with her husband, Bernie, as the Associate Director of Family and Children’s Ministry in the South England Conference. She is also a family therapist. She has three teenage children and, when she does have spare time she enjoys developing creative worship experiences, quilting, walking, and interior design. She is the author of ‘100 Quick and Easy Worship Ideas for Kids’ and ‘100 Creative Prayer Ideas for Kids and grown ups too!’

 Creative Bible Studies

Fold a piece of paper in half and write your hopes about the second coming on the left side of the paper. On the right side write out the Bible verses that inspire your hopes. You may need to use a concordance. Repeat the activity, writing down some of your fears and concerns about the second coming. Search the scriptures for God’s promises and verses of comfort that soothe those fears. Be reassured that God has already acted in love to dissolve your fears. 1 John 4:18.

 Create a very long strip of paper. Somewhere near the beginning of the strip draw a 1cm horizontal line to illustrate your life, followed by a vertical line that signifies the second coming of Jesus. Make the rest of this strip into a huge loop that starts with second coming. As you look at what you have made, consider how a ‘Big Picture’ perspective of the second coming can help you to manage the everyday challenges you face. Write Bible promises along the strip.

 Choose one of the parables of the second coming. Read it through several times. Then list the different people and key objects in the parable. Wonder what they might represent, and be curious about the possibilities. Parables are designed to be filled with fresh meanings every time we read them. Where might each parable really be taking place? Where do you think you are in each parable? Journal your explorations.

 

 

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·        

To all my family & friends I want to

 THANK  YOU  FOR  YOUR TIME.
ONCE YOU  READ THIS  YOU  WILL  UNDERSTAND! 

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door. 

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.
 
There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him. 

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days. 

"Jack, did you hear me?" 
"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said. 

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him. 

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said. 

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said 

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said. 

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away. 

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time. 

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.. 

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked. 

"The box is gone," he said 

"What box?" Mom asked. 

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said. 

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it. 

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom." 

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note

in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.
Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside. 

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. 

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: 

"Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser." 

"The thing he valued most was...my time" 

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked. 

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. 

"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!" 

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away," 

 

 

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Facing life’s challenges together

 Coping with the tough times

Tough times happen. This is a difficult world to live in. There are famines, droughts, wars, pests, dangers, illnesses, disappointments and death. It’s not easy to deal with the difficult times. They can challenge our families to the limits. Sometimes we may feel like giving up because life feels too difficult to manage.

 Each of us faces different challenges in life. A challenge that you face easily may seem impossible for me to face. One thing is certain in an uncertain world, and that is when we face challenges together we are often stronger, and the experience brings us closer together.

          How can you help your family face the big and little challenges in life?

·        Firstly, look out for signs that someone in the family is struggling with a situation. When someone is hurting, be sensitive to his or her different needs. We may feel that they just need to grow up and manage their feelings on their own, but when someone has to face challenges without sympathy, they can learn to lose sympathy for others too.

·        Look out for those who suddenly want to be alone, look sad, don’t want to eat, or who seem to find everything about life too much to cope with. A child may not want to go to school because he is being bullied or teased there, but he may pretend to be ill instead, so that he doesn’t have to admit that he’s being bullied. Find out what is causing their unusual behaviour.

·        Accept the feelings of the struggling person, and don’t minimize the feelings or tease the person. Let him know it’s all right to cry, even if he is a boy, or a man. Humans were made with eyes that cry, and tears can cleanse the heart of all kinds of hurts. Feelings aren’t good or bad – feelings just are. We can’t always control our feelings, just like we can’t control our heart-beat, or our digestion. Crying can be very helpful in soothing a distressed mind or body, so let the tears flow freely.

·        Take the time to listen to each other and understand each other’s unspoken communication so that you can tell when someone is upset or afraid even if they can’t find the words or the courage to tell you.

·        Show comfort for each other by using appropriate affection, such as touches, hugs, kind words and gentleness. Physical contact with other human beings can be very comforting at a distressing time. Touch can be reassuring when we’re afraid, soothing when we’re stressed and even healing when we’re hurt.

·        Encourage the distressed person to talk to you, by showing that you care and that you can be trusted. When they talk, listen well, and concentrate on what the other person has to say. Put yourself in their situation for a while and think how they must feel. Say things like, ‘That must have been very distressing for you…’ ‘You must have been very frightened then...’ or ‘I think I would have felt like that, too.’ If someone shares a secret with you, ask their permission if you need to tell someone else what they said.

·        If someone in your family is suffering, make spending time with them your top priority. Let them know in lots of ways that their needs are important to you. Don’t wait for things to get better naturally. They probably will, but in the meantime it will be much better if you’re there to help take away their fears, comfort their tears and deal with their resentments.

·        Be honest about how much you can do to help. You’re not perfect and you can’t be there all the time, but you do care. If you have been part of the original hurt, be willing to ask for forgiveness. Admit your failures and your fears, even as a parent. Your children will know your weak points anyway, and will respect you for being honest about them. Children need to know that you’re not perfect, and that you don’t expect them to be perfect all the time either.

·        When there’s a physical calamity, such as famine, drought, flood, or crop failure, we’re often powerless to help ourselves. We can just hope and pray that people will come to help us and bring us what we need. In those situations we can feel very vulnerable because there is so little we can do to help ourselves.

·        Help the person who is struggling to find a way to forgive the source of the hurt, if forgiveness is needed. Those who are eventually able to forgive a deep hurt will usually cope with the difficult situation better than those who let resentments build up. But forgiveness for a great hurt can take a long time, so sometimes we need to be patient and not rush anyone into forgiving another person until they are ready.

·        Think of all the positive things that can come out of the difficult situation. Sit down together and say anything that comes to mind that might be positive about the situation. When locusts ate Lennie’s crops, his family enjoyed trying to catch the locusts because in their culture deep-fried locusts were a special treat. Then some aid workers came to his area to teach the farmers good farming skills. They trained Lennie to teach the other farmers, paid him for his work and even provided food for the family.

·        You might even find a way to do something good for a person who has caused you hurt. This may sound unusual, but it can have dramatic and positive effects. Sometimes the most hurtful people are those for whom no one has ever done anything nice. King Solomon once said that a gift given in secret could soothe an angry heart, and open up closed doors.

·        When you’re facing a difficult situation with your family, use wisdom, listen to others who’ve faced similar circumstances, and talk together about the best decision to follow.

·        If the whole family is facing a difficult time, stay close together to comfort and support each other. Let everyone know that they’re loved and special and that you’re doing your best to take care of their needs, even if you can’t put everything right.

·        When the tough times come, as tough times will, use them to bring your family closer together, spend time with them, notice their feelings and help the to talk about their fears and their sorrows. That’s real strength.

 (Insets)

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20.

 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.

 Encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14.

 Soothing each other

 People who study healthy relationships have found that one of the secrets of a strong and happy relationship is the ability to soothe each other when there is distress, sadness or pain.

 Debbie, Jay and the Difficult Day

As soon as Jay came through the front door, Debbie knew he’d had a hard day. His face was tight and tired looking. His shoulders sagged. He let his bag drop to the floor. His whole body looked heavy, and he sat heavily in the chair and held his head.

 Jay didn’t have days like this very often, but they happened perhaps once or twice a month. Debbie had learned to be quiet and not bother him for a while when he came through the door looking like that. She tiptoed away and went to make him his favourite drink. She served it with a piece of his favourite cake. It was her way of silently saying, I care about what you’re going through right now, and I hurt for you.

 In a little while, when he’d had some quiet space, she’d serve him his favourite food. She’d help him with his chores. They’d go for a short walk and talk about their day. Then she’d pour some oil on her hands and give him a back massage to help him relax before he went to sleep.

 Freda and George – Being there

Freda was very sad. She’d never been so sad in her whole life. Her mother had just died and it felt to her as if the whole world had become black and lonely. George had never seen his wife so sad before. She seemed to be crying all the time. He wanted to show how much he cared, but he didn’t know how. He felt so sad, too, seeing her like that. He sat with her whenever he could, and held her hand, just so she could feel he was near her. He didn’t know what to say to comfort her, so he just said, ‘I’m so sad that you hurt so badly and I want you to know that I’m here with you, and I’ll be here with you as long as it takes to help you feel better.’

 Helping her Cry

Little Tina came home late from school. ‘Where have you been, Tina?’ her mum asked.

 ‘I’ve been with Lisa. You see Lisa dropped her best doll, and it broke, and I stayed to help her.’

 ‘Oh, you stayed to help her fix the doll. That was kind of you, Tina.’

 ‘No mum, I couldn’t fix the doll, so I stayed to help her cry.’

 Comforting the Cut

Jerry came crying to his dad. He’d fallen down on some sharp stones and his leg was bleeding. To a young boy, it seemed as if there was lots of blood. He was scared, and he hurt badly, too. Dad picked him up and held him close, as he carried him to the house, bathed his knee clean, wrapped it in a clean bandage and then used his pen to draw a funny face on the bandage over the cut. Jerry began to smile again. Dad found Jerry a drink, and sat on the steps outside with him for a few minutes, telling him a story. Soon Jerry was up and running around again.

 Soothing and Comforting

·        There are times in our lives when we need some comfort, when we need to be soothed. Some of the best relationships are those where each person knows how to soothe the other, and knows how to help them calm down and feel better again

·        Different cultures may have different ways to show comfort and concern, and to be soothed. In some places drinks are soothing, a hot cup of herbal tea, or a refreshing glass of cold water. Some show comfort by bringing flowers, or using special music. For some people being with the sad person is the important thing to do.

·        Just as different cultures have different ways to be soothed, each of us are different and have different ways in which we like to be comforted.

 The two things we need to know

·        Comforting is not about trying to make the other person happy.

·        When someone is sad, they’re sad. If you try to make them feel happy, they may feel that you don’t understand their pain. If you try to make them forget their sadness, or try to persuade them that the thing they’re being sad about is really only small, they will also feel misunderstood, because their pain feels very big to them. Responding in these ways can make the person who is sad feel even more isolated in their pain.

·        When we’re having a difficult time, we usually need two things:

 

1.     We need to know that we’re not alone in our sadness because someone is there with us.

2.     We need to know that the person who is with us is trying to understand what we’re experiencing.

 

·        If we feel that there’s no one there to be with us, we can feel very alone, and this can increase our sadness.

·        If we feel that our pain isn’t accepted and understood, then this can also make us feel more miserable.

·        When we experience togetherness and understanding, we’re more likely to feel comforted.

 

When might we need comfort?

·        Think of the some of the times when you feel like you need some comfort.

·        When we’re sick and ill we need the comfort of knowing someone is there to take care of us, and that they’ll do all they can to help us to feel better. Maybe they’ll bring a cool cloth for our hot head, or make some good soup for us when we don’t feel like eating much.

·        Disappointments need comfort too. When we fail an exam, or when we don’t get a job that we wanted. When our crop fails and the bad weather comes and spoils our homes, we need comfort. We may need someone to be there with us to share our feeling of loss, and, when the time is right, to give us hope again.

·        When someone we love has died, we may need comforting, because our loss is so very great. If we lose a crop, it’s hard, but maybe next year will be better. When we lose a person we love, we may feel as if we have lost them forever, even if our faith and culture tells us a different story.

·        Sometimes we have a bad day. We may feel misunderstood, used, abused, exhausted and challenged, and we need a loving person to bring us comfort and soothe our troubled minds and bodies.

·        Sometimes we have hurt, or been hurt by, someone we love, and this can make us sad. At these times we need to find each other again and offer comfort, so that the relationship can be healed.

 

Thinking about it

·        Think about the times when you needed comfort. Who gave it to you? What did they do? What did you like about what they did? What wasn’t so helpful? Maybe there wasn’t anyone to comfort you. If so, then you’ll be able to understand even more how lonely it feels to be sad when you don’t have a comforting person to be there with you.

·        Is there someone you know right now who may need comforting? Think first about those most closely related to you: your spouse, and your children, and the family where you grew up. Who needs comforting? Do you know how they like to be comforted? If not, you can ask them, and they’ll probably appreciate your interest in their lives. You won’t feel so uneasy about what to do if you know the special way that someone likes to be soothed and comforted.

·        This is a troubled world. It’s not easy to live here, there’s lots of pain and disappointment. But some soothing moments and some caring comfort, can bring a little peace into a hurting heart.

 

Comforting ideas

·        Have a special comforting blanket or sheet. Whenever anyone feels sad they can wrap themselves in the blanket and other family members can come and hug them. Make this blanket look different from the other blankets in your home, or choose one that is soft and fluffy.

·        Place a flower on the pillow of someone’s bed. Choose lavender or other fragrant flowers that may bring refreshment and relaxation.

·        Make a special drink for someone who needs comforting and serve it in an attractive way.

·        Put a note into a work or school bags when someone is having a hard time, or if they have an exam to do, to let them know you’re thinking of them, and that you care about the challenges they have to face.

·        When someone has died, give time for their family and friends to talk about the person they have lost, and their special memories of them.

·        Make regular contact with someone who is hurting, so that they don’t feel so isolated. If possible, leave flowers or other small gifts with them that will remind them that someone cares for them, even when you aren’t there.

 

Insets

Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Romans 12:15, The Message.

 

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. Proverbs 25:20.

 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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