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ISSUES  

YOU'RE ALREADY SUCCESSFUL- KEEP GOING

When asked, “Would you like to be successful?” Most people would answer yes. When asked what being successful would entail, the answer is not as simple, as most people have not really given it any thought.

The material world we live in leads many of us to believe that success means having lots of money, having a fantastic, high status, high income job, driving a flashy car, living in luxury, dressing in designer wear and being something of a celebrity.

Is this really what being successful is all about? Many people have all the trappings of luxury and status, but they don’t appear to be particularly happy or content with themselves. I’m not suggesting that we all stop wearing nice clothes, stop trying for that great job and stop wanting more for ourselves, but really- how important is it to define what being successful is? Is it okay to want to be successful?

Of course it is- In the first place, you were born because you were successful at getting through the complicated, competitive business of being conceived, and then, you also made it through the very gruelling business of being born. Well done! You were born a success! You made it into the world!

Unfortunately, none of us remember this process and no one considers their birth certificate as their first achievement award. It’s not something that’s done, is it?

Well, when I was still nursing in South Africa, a Xhosa speaking mum from rural Transkei was asked to bring in her baby’s birth certificate so that we could verify his birth details. She returned a few days later with a huge canvas bag, out of which she took a rather large, heavy frame containing her baby’s birth certificate. Needless to say, this provided the stressed nursing staff with a lighter moment, but the thing is, this mum was clearly so proud of her baby’s first achievement that she displayed his birth certificate on the wall of her home.

I’m not suggesting that anyone here does this, but it could be something to consider, mentally anyway, when you’re struggling with personal success issues.

The thing is, I meet so many people in my work as a life coach, who tell me that they can’t think of anything that they’ve done in their life which is particularly noteworthy, and I usually remind them that since they exist, they must have been born, one way or another, and that being born is no mean feat, especially when some babies just don’t make it. So no one can ever be a complete and utter failure because we all started out as a success story. Even those who were poorly as babies, if you’re still around, you’ve been successful.

The thing we fall short on is building on this initial success.

This brings us back to the question, “What is success?”

The saying, “Success is a journey not a destination.” rings true. . Knowing where you want to go is more important than getting there, after all, if you don’t know where you want to go, it doesn’t matter how you get there or if you get there at all, you would never know.

Success is a personal thing:
· Taking charge of my life
· Getting my priorities right
· Setting and achieving my own goals
· Choosing the values on which to base my existence
· Actively pursuing my dreams and ambitions
· Keeping going!


Success is ultimately being the best you there is. Measure your successes, not against that of other people, but against your own tiny steps towards being the person you want to be. You need to know who this person is.

Ask your self these questions:
- What kind of life do I want to lead? (Lifestyle)
- What kind of person do I want to be?
- How do I want to be remembered when I’m gone?
- What do I want to achieve in my life time. (Career/ work/ personal life/ sport/ Charity/ community etc) ?
- What would make my life absolutely worthwhile?

These are big questions, but part of being truly successful is not being afraid to look at oneself critically and to take responsibility for making life changing decisions. Successful people take responsibility for their own lives. They don’t blame others for their lack of accomplishments, even if others have not always acted in their best interest. Make a commitment to grow a little everyday despite setbacks and negative circumstances.


Remember, as long as you measure your success on that of others or other people’s expectations of you, you will fall short. Your chances of being successful are greatest when you work on just being yourself- the best one you can be. There is no one else like you and your personal success ultimately rests on your personal participation in your own life. This is a vital ingredient. Your personal success does not rest on what other people think, say or do. Learn to say: “If it has to be it’s up to me.” Don’t let anything hold you back. Use the past only to learn from, not to lean on. You cannot change the past, but you can act today to create a better future for yourself.

You need to take the responsibility. You need to avoid the temptation to blame others or circumstances. You need to engage in the business of your life. Don’t let your birth be the highlight of your life. Your birth was just the successful introduction to your participation in what has the potential to be a wonderful, interesting and fulfilling, successful human life- YOURS.

I know it’s a bit clichéd but, you really can’t spell S_CCESS without U.

 By Geraldene Farmer

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HEALTH

5 Reasons Why You're Worth It

"You're worth it."  The phrase is used to sell anything from hair care products to luxury holidays and to generally give ourselves permission to be self indulgent.

 The thing is we don't have to spend money on anything however desirable, to prove our worth because quite simply, "You really are worth it."  And here's why:

 1.      You're unique – one of a kind

We don't realise how truly unique we are.  DNA molecules can unite in an infinite number of ways.  The number is 10 to the 2,400,000,000^th power.  That number is the likelihood that you'd ever find somebody just like you.  If you were to write out that number with each zero being one inch wide, you'd need a strip of paper 37,000 miles long!

 To put this in perspective, some scientists have guessed that all the particles in the universe are probably less than 10 with 76 zeros behind it, far less than the possibilities of your DNA.  Your uniqueness is a scientific fact.  When God made you, he broke the mold.  There never has been, and never will be, anybody exactly like you. 

(The purpose driven life – Rick Warren)

 That should make you worth something, not so?

 2.      Your body is astounding

·         The average human brain has about 100 billion nerve cells.

·         Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.

·         Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

·         There are 454 miles (72 km) of nerves in the skin of a human being.

·       The average human heart will beat 3,000 million times in its lifetime and pump 48 million gallons of blood.

·       Each square inch (2.5cm) of human skin consists of 20 feet (6m) of blood vessels.

·       During a 24-hour period, the average human will breathe 23,040 times.

·       Human blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 km) per day on its journey through the body.

·       The human body is comprised of 80% water.

 Article adapted from 330 Network

 These are but a few remarkable facts about the human body.  There are thousands more and the list keeps growing as more and more are discovered.  You have been fearfully and wonderfully made, with great care, skill and respect.  Crafted into a quality being made to last and serve.  I would say you're worth a great deal.

 3.      You have amazing power

Human beings are remarkably resilient creatures.  Stories abound of people who have risen above even the most appalling circumstances.  You may not be able to choose your parents or the circumstances of your birth, where and how you were raised, but you can choose what you do with the rest of your life.  You can choose and that is the greatest power God has given you.  You have the power to choose right from wrong, the power to pursue your dream or to choose to give up.  This power is unique to man.  What are you going to do with this amazing power?

4.      The world needs you

Because of your uniqueness you have a unique contribution to make in the generation into which you were born.  You have unique talents and abilities given to you as your tools for the incredible journey which is your life.

 The unique abilities you have are to bring joy, comfort, hope, inspiration and blessing to others.  Who are the 'others' in your life?  What is their experience of sharing their lives with you?  What do you bring to the lives of the children in your life?  Will they be sharing the impact you have made on them with future generations?  Who knows the number of lives that can potentially be touched in the future by something you do today.  All you have to do is to use your own personal uniqueness in your own ordinary life, just being you.  You have a responsibility to explore your capabilities and develop your abilities and to use them to touch the lives of others.  An amazing thing happens when you do this – your life is touched as well.

 5.      You never lose your true worth

Sometimes when we have made mistakes we feel disappointed in ourselves and feelings of worthlessness creep in.  We may have let ourselves and others down.  Through poor choices we may feel trapped in a relationship which hurt us and in which we are subjected to abuse or which we feel extremely lonely and isolated.  There are any number of experiences which can leave us with feelings of low self esteem, shame and helplessness.  Even if we want to put things right it can just seem so daunting.

 Is this your situation?  Why not compare yourself to a £50.00 note that has been lost and ended up in a landfill site.  It's had a long rough, dirty journey, but to the person who finds it, it is still £50 and it can still buy £50 worth of goods.  Just because it's been hanging around a tip doesn't mean it's lost even a penny of its worth.  It's the same with you.  Just because you've had a hiccup or two, taken a few wrong turns or been hurt one time too many does not mean that you are worth any less than you were before.

 No matter what happens to you in your life.  No matter how many times you have been hurt.  No matter how many mistakes you have made.  There is nothing that can diminish your value as a special, unique creation of a kind loving God who created you for a special purpose.  It's up to you to see yourself as a woman of worth – God does.

 Geraldene Farmer

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INSPIRATION 

The Truth About Self Esteem

by Julie Parmenter and Carole Ferch-Johnson

 Having good self-esteem is about feeling as "good as the best but not better than the rest."  It includes recognising our strengths and being willing to use them to benefit others as well as us.  It also means acknowledging our weaknesses and being prepared to work with them in the quest for personal and spiritual growth.

 It is the person with good self-esteem who can afford to be genuinely humble.  This is because self worth enables us to be honest and less defensive about our mistakes.  In this respect the Apostle Paul had good self worth.  He called himself the "worst of sinners" (1 Tim 1:16) and reminded King Agrippa as well as the believers in Corinth and Galatia that he had persecuted the church of God.

 The person with good self worth is also able to accept recognition and applause without becoming vain.  Paul also demonstrates an ability to rehearse his lineage and achievements and yet count them as purely relative, providing little foundation for pride (Phil 3:4-6).

 Healthy self worth enables us to be consistently the same person to everyone under all circumstances.  This means we sense no need to change our way of being, or assume different stances depending on the company we are in.  We feel no need to impress anyone or put up a false front to hide our inadequacies.  We are content within ourselves.

 A further freedom gained through a sense of good self worth is independence from the need to manipulate others.  Low self-esteem drives us to depend of the acceptance, attention and affirmation of other people to keep us topped up and feeling all right about ourselves.  As soon as we feel an emotional hunger, a sense of inner emptiness or want some reassurance, we may use another person to supply our need.  This brings immediate benefits and rewards our efforts with quick relief.  However, the effects are temporary and the other person feels used and put upon.  Some manipulation appears generous and thoughtful on the surface but there is always a price to be paid by the one providing the emotional crutch.

You may ask, where do I find good self-esteem so I don't create a problem for other people or myself?  Many of the popular self-help books will tell you that we only have to practice some positive self-talk and we will find the answer.  Positive self-talk goes like this:  Position yourself in front of the mirror and start telling yourself that you like what you see.  Accept and affirm your appearance "warts and all".  Next, tell yourself you are a worthwhile person, deserving acknowledgement and respect from others.  Third, remember to give yourself some realistic praise for jobs well done.  All this, put together with making sure you put your own needs at equal priority with the needs of others should ensure feelings of good self-worth.

 Unfortunately there is a basic flaw in this humanistic approach to finding self-esteem.  It overlooks the fact that human beings don't create their own self worth.  They were not formed to find it within themselves but within a relationship.  This removes the focus from myself and places it elsewhere – on some other person.  Those who have tried to find self worth within themselves know only too well that self-propping can easily be demolished by a single comment from someone else, especially if that person is significant to them.

 This shows we are dependent on another for giving us our self worth.  It's the way God made us to be.  That's why it is so important that children receive good input from parents, teachers and other adults.  The child no more than the adult can give him or herself self worth.

 So where shall we look to find self-esteem?  Earthly relationships have a bearing but if we are solely at their mercy our self-esteem will be unstable.  This is because human relationships, no matter how good, are imperfect and inconsistent.  We might be accepted in one situation and rejected in another.  We may be complimented by one person and criticized by somebody else for the very same action.

 It would seem we need a source of self worth that is perfect and always consistent to help us know that we are valuable at all times.  Let's try a different mirror than the one offered by humanism.  Let's try the mirror of Christ.  If we look into His eyes we will see consistent forgiveness, acceptance and approval.  Here is a quality of love and trust that will enable us to be self-accepting.  Now we can return to the evidences for good self-esteem and know we have it because we have the Lord.  The comments and attitudes of others will always affect us but if the foundation of our self worth is in our relationship with God our self-esteem will be secure.

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MEN'S PAGE

Are these 11 important needs of men what men wished women knew about men?  Have a browse and see what you think.

 Eleven Important Needs of Men are:

 1.      Men Need Action.  Men's self-image is largely determined by what they do and what they accomplish.  A man's goal orientation pushes him to achieve things and to focus until the task is accomplished.  Men enjoy working on projects where results can be solid and tangible.

2.      Men Need Safety.  One rule of masculinity has been "Thou shalt not show emotion."  Men are rarely open with one another unless there is a safe environment for openness.  A key ingredient that makes this happen is a clear commitment to confidentiality.  Men need time and safety in order to develop authentic relationships with other men.

3.      Men Need to be Challenged.  Men grow up with challenges.  In school it's the big exam.  In athletics it's the big game.  In the business world it's the big sale – or a take-over or a new product or a new venture.  Men expect to be challenged.  In the Gospels we see Jesus over and over again drawing a line in the sand and daring the disciples to meet Him on His side.  It's no different today.  Men aren't interested in a ministry that gets together to chew the fat.  They want to be challenged to act, pray, behave and think in a way that glorifies God.

4.      Men Need to Get to the Point.  The Christian man wants to know what the programme is all about.  He doesn't want to spend time on fluff, trappings and extracurricular activity.  This mind set will greatly impact what and how we do our men's ministry – from how we present the mission and vision to how we advertise, to how to run small groups and large events.  Men want to know what two or three practical life-applications they can take away from their time together.  (Adventist Men Unspoken Needs, page 2.)

5.      Men Need to Win.  Almost all of us have grown up with pressure to win.  We are taught to be independent and self-sufficient.  Failure isn't an option.  Men bring this strength into men's ministry.  We have to plan challenging, yet achievable goals.  Programmes that aren't working must be quickly set aside.

6.      Men Need to Dream.  Men grow up dreaming and scheming big.  In designing men's ministry, give the men a chance to be a part of the brainstorming process.  Allow them to think big and see themselves involved in something bigger than themselves.  This need to dream should impact informal times as well.  Men want to discuss their dreams and find ways to act upon them.

7.      Men Need Other Men Like Them.  Men like to be in the company of men just like them.  That isn't always the best thing in the world, but it's not a bad place to start.  Some have found that the best way to reach doctors was to have a small group for doctors.  They have reached lawyers by having a group of those in that field.  They discovered that men naturally gravitate toward men facing the pressures they face and doing the same jobs they do.  This flocking together of birds of a feather isn't always true, but keep it in mind.

8.      Men Need Help Working Around Daily Work.  Downsizing and take-overs are wearing out men and their families.  Add to that emotional weariness the long, odd hours most men work.  The result?  How and when we do ministry with men will largely revolve around their lives at work.

The most precious commodity for men is time.  They don't have enough of it.  How they divide it is crucial.  Leaders of men's ministries need to consider the competing time demands men face and be sensitive about how many meetings to have and how long they last.  Announce how long each meeting will last.  The men may stay two hours for the first meeting and be too busy to ever come again.  Look carefully at the yearly schedule to ensure that they are not pulled away from home and work too much.

Since some men start early in the morning and others work late, it is important to offer activities at a variety of times to meet the needs of the men.

9.      Men Need Healing.  Not many of the men you minister to go to work and hear what a great job they are doing.  When they get home their kids don't usually say what a great dad they have and thank him for working all day long so they can have a roof over their head and food to eat.  Later that evening their wives probably won't applaud their performance as a dad or a husband.  No, most of the guys you work with will be rather discouraged about life.  They need a refuge where they can heal and be encouraged in their roles as men, fathers, husbands and workers.

10.  Men Need Freedom.  Men who are taught from boyhood to win develop a fierce independence.  Men have difficulty forming friendships with other men.  They would rather stand alone and fight alone than work together.  Men's ministry will work to pull men together at the same time they reflexively pull apart.  Men need respect for their space.

11.  The Need to Identify.  God established the Seventh-day Adventist Church to be the carrier of a unique message that would help to prepare those who would be alive when Jesus comes the second time.  We live in a time when there is a spirit of brotherhood among men.  This can cause some men to become confused as to what role they play as Adventist Men among men of other faiths and traditions.

As men become more comfortable in sharing with men of other faiths they need to be encouraged to identify with the unique message that gives them a special mission and role in the events leading up to the coming of Jesus.

These are a few needs to consider when beginning a men's ministry.

 Men's Unspoken Needs.  Adapted from Men's Ministry, by Steve Sonderman.

LIFESTYLE

Life is a challenge and these two ladies have faced it with their self esteem intact.  Neither would say this is something they would, or could, have done years ago but life's experiences, support from loved ones and a faith in God "grew" them into these confident women.  Be encouraged by their lives and try to walk, not in their footsteps, but your own.  You are unique.

Useful activities would certainly describe Joan Saddler's life.  She has served for many years in the voluntary sector and is a leading figure in the National Health Service, promoting equality and diversity.  She is the founder and director of Direct Consultancy, providing research and capacity-building programmes for Black and Minority Ethnic (BME) communities, and is a founding member of the Haringey Women's Forum, an advice and information service.  At the Haringey Voluntary Sector Training Consortium Joan designed and evaluated training programmes for the voluntary sector.

She has served on committees for a range of local and regional agencies for many different communities and client groups and is a member of the Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA-UK) board.  In 1998 she developed a mentoring programme for black women managers in Islington.

As non-executive director at Haringey Healthcare Trust and a Health and Race Committee member, Joan advised on community engagement and the development of race equality frameworks.  In 2001, she became chair of Walthamstow, Leyton and Leytonstone Primary Care Trust (PCT) and, in 2003, chair of Waltham Forest PCT.

Joan provides critical leadership in key areas, for example, empowering people to make informed choices about healthcare – Waltham Forest PCT was the first to publish performance information on every GP practice in the local paper.

Joan provides strong leadership to BME staff in the PCT where two of the executive team are from ethnic backgrounds other than white British.  Joan jointly proposed and is co-chair of the NHS BME Leadership Forum, which enables BME leaders and managers in the NHS to influence health and social care policy and develops 75 BME leaders and managers through providing personal development opportunities, encouraging them to share learning within their organisation and to mentor others.

Chartered Institute of housing South East Excellence Award for Pam Millington

Pam Millington, neighbourhood contracts manager at Moat and an elder at Stratford Seventh-day Adventist church has won the Chartered Institute of Housing South East Excellence Award.

The award honours excellence for the work that individuals in housing make to their field and the impact of their contribution to the lives of local people.  Pam was presented with the award at a gala awards ceremony in Brighton as part of the Chartered Institute of Housing (CIH) South East regional conference.

"My role can be a very dangerous one from shutting down crack houses with the Police to going into some seriously nasty homes where you wipe your feet on the way out!" Pam states.  However, her belief system gives her an advantage.  "My faith is extremely important in my job and I know that the Lord has protected me whilst carrying out early morning raids and visiting people in their homes."

Moat is a charitable housing association based in the South East of England.  Pam was appointed as the neighbourhood contracts manager for Moat at Stanhope in January 2007 to take overall responsibility for the housing management contract in the area, to work with other stakeholders to contribute to the overall quality of life and develop sustainable community safety and cohesion for the neighbourhood.

Working at the neighbourhood office based on the Stanhope estate, Ashford, Kent, she has overall responsibility for 11 staff who perform the customer services, housing management and community development functions. 

She said: "It is indeed wonderful to have been recognised in this way and in the past also.  I have a real burning passion to help people out of their situation.  I do not hesitate to go in where other people may be scared to go and my God works a miracle every time!  I work with gang members who are on crack and those who are persistent young offenders - as young as 10.  I really enjoy what I do and I want to publicly thank my team for all of their fantastic efforts."

Pam's work and church life seem tied together.  Providing workshops at church youth events and conferences she knows first-hand the kind of pressures that church teens come under with peers and with what is happening around them.  She works with them, discussing the alternatives and positive ways forward.  She can often be seen lecturing at events like the South England Conference Youth Leadership Convention.  "This helps to strengthen my faith as I see God in action in these lives and I also realise and appreciate how He is blessing me in abundance everyday with my family, friends and church family," she says.

For Pam the award is just recognition for something she really enjoys doing.  "I love my job and it really helps me to 'keep real' in a world where we see young people dying for frivolous reasons and the increasing gang culture and anti-social behaviour."

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