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Editorial |
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Send your ideas,
thoughts and feelings to LetsConnect
Heather Haworth. Women’s
Ministries Department. British
Union Conference of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
Stanborough Park.
Watford. Hertfordshire. WD25 9JZ. United Kingdom.
email contact:-
Letsconnect
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Mother’s Day
is usually a happy occasion. It might bring up feelings of loss
for those whose child or mother have quarrelled or died. On the
other hand there will be many homes where hugs and gifts are
presented to the special female in the family.
Looking for
articles for this issue made me even more aware, how and why,
mums are important. Recently Karen Holford was an insightful
speaker at a Mums and daughters weekend. She creatively inspired
the ladies and girls to appreciate what a special bond they can
enjoy but on our Inspiration page she looks at a Mums and sons
special time. Karen’s creativity is on a number of pages giving
us some insights into what it means to be a mum to especially
younger children.
If you want
a challenging life then being a mum fulfils that wish.
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If you put a buzzard in a pen
that is 6 feet by 8 feet
And is entirely open at the
top,
The bird, in spite of its
ability to fly,
Will be an absolute prisoner.
The reason is
That a buzzard always begins a
flight from
The ground with a run of 10 to
12 feet.
Without space to run, as is
its habit,
It will not even attempt to
fly, but will remain
A prisoner for life in a small
jail with no top.
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The ordinary bat that flies
around at night,
A remarkably nimble creature
in the air,
Cannot take off from a level
place.
If it is placed on the floor
or flat ground,
All it can do is shuffle about
helplessly
And, no doubt, painfully,
until it
Reaches some slight elevation
from which it can
Throw itself into the air.
Then, at once, it
Takes off like a flash.
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A bumblebee, if dropped into
an open tumbler,
Will be there until it dies,
unless it is taken out.
It never sees the means of
escape at the top,
But persists in trying to find
some way out
Through the sides, near the
bottom. It
Will seek a way where none
exists, until it
Completely destroys itself.
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In many ways, we are like the
buzzard, the bat, and
The bumblebee. We struggle
about with all our
Problems and frustrations,
never realizing that
All we have to do is look up!
That’s the answer, the escape
route and the solution
To any problem! Just look up.
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Sorrow looks back, worry looks
around, but faith looks up!
Live simply, love generously,
care deeply, speak kindly and
Trust in our Creator who loves
us.
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Taming the
Messy-Monster!
Have you
got a messy-monster in your house? We have. The
messy-monster hides in corners, oozes out of drawers,
and breeds under the bed. Its main purpose in life is to
make sure that we can’t see enough of the carpet to make
it worth while vacuuming. Messy-monsters like to live in
the same houses as children, because then there’s more
stuff to mess up. For the messy-monster chaos is fun.
The challenge is that there’s usually someone in the
family who finds it difficult to live in the
messy-monster’s world.
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Messy
monsters are born wild, but they can sometimes be tamed
if you all work together to keep them under control.
Here are a few messy-monster taming tips.
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Minimise
the amount of stuff children keep in their rooms. If you
have space, give each child a big box in the attic for
keeping out of season clothes and toys.
·
Give each
child their own duster and show them how to use it. Keep
a mini vacuum cleaner upstairs for children to use in
their own rooms.
·
Organise
their storage so there is a clear place for everything,
and make sure the space is the right size for everything
that needs to go there.
·
Label
drawers so that everyone knows where to put things. Use
pictures on the drawers of younger children.
·
Buy strong
plastic boxes for storing all those little toys that can
easily make a mess. You can sometimes get extra large,
empty ice-cream containers from restaurants that stack
quite easily. Label these clearly with words and
pictures for different kinds of toys, art materials,
dolls’ clothes, etc.
·
Encourage
children to put their toys away tidily when they have
finished with them. Make a game of it so that it becomes
fun to tidy up. Put on a short piece of lively music and
see if the children can tidy the room before the music
finishes!
·
Keep a
large attractive basket or box in the main living area
where any scattered toys can be dumped quickly when
visitors are coming.
·
Lay a large
sheet on the floor when children are playing with lots
of little toys and construction kits. When it’s time to
tidy away, gather up the sheet and pour the toys into
their boxes. Or roll the sheet up with all the bits
inside, until it’s time to play again.
·
Tidy rooms
with your children. When a child sees a
large, untidy mess, it feels discouraging and they don’t
always know the best way to tackle it. Sharing the job
with you is more fun, and you can show your children how
to sort things out and put them away, so they can learn
the skills, too.
·
Make your
children’s rooms attractive and they’ll be more likely
to want to keep them tidy. Involve children with the
design of their rooms. When they feel the room is really
their space, they may be much more likely to want to
keep it tidy.
·
Encourage
your children to tidy their rooms as they get up in the
morning, by making their bed, putting pyjamas away, and
tidying up any stray clothes.
·
Try the
‘five minute tidy’ in the evening. Give each child a fun
and noisy egg-timer. Set the timer for five minutes and
see how many things they can tidy away in a short space
of time. Limiting the tidying time to five minutes a day
can help the job to seem more manageable, and controls
most of the clutter.
·
Tidying up
time can be more successful if it’s before supper, when
children still have enough energy to manage the job.
·
Whenever
your child gets something new, encourage them to give
something old away, by handing things down, or by
donating them to a school sale or charity shop.
·
Hide
chocolate or real coins in the messiest places in your
child’s room, so that they are encouraged to tidy up and
find the treats!
·
Set a good
example for your children. If you find it hard to keep
your stuff tidy, no wonder they do too!
·
Go through
each room on a regular basis clearing away anything that
doesn’t need to be there. Take three boxes, one for
things to throw away, one for things to give away, and
one box to go into storage. Then throw, give and store
straight away before you change your mind!
·
Encourage
your child to have one large toy for a birthday, rather
than lots of smaller things. If your child is happy with
this, relatives and friends can make donations towards
the toy too. Or give gifts of experiences, such as
cinema vouchers, theatre tokens, and tickets for
sporting events. In one family, relatives buy music and
swimming lessons as Christmas presents.
·
You don’t
have to fight the messy monster all the way. Tidy
monsters can sometimes be difficult to live with too! A
home can be clean enough to be healthy, and still messy
enough to be happy!
·
If all else
fails, make mess a feature of your home. Just feel
comfortable in it and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Someone once gave me a picture that said ‘A clean house
is a sign of a misspent life.’ If things are messy for a
while, it’s probably because you have something more
important to do, like spending time having fun with your
children. Besides, if a house is tidy 99% of the time,
people only seem to visit you during the 1% of the time
when it looks like a pigsty!
Karen
Holford
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Time for Bed!
Before I had children I had the gently optimistic idea
that babies slept for long periods of time. It wasn’t
long after the birth of our first child that I
discovered that the sleep story was a myth, like tooth
fairies and Father Christmas.
Other mums proudly told me how their babies slept
through the night from three weeks, or how they would
just say ‘Time for bed!’ like Zebedee in ‘The Magic
Roundabout’ and the child would obediently shut his eyes
and calmly drift off into a peaceful slumber. My
children were apparently allergic to sleep. Words like
‘bed’, ‘sleep’, ‘nap’, and ‘pyjamas’ were taboo in our
home.
Bethany would only go to sleep if she was holding our
hand, or a finger. I would sit by her cot, waiting for
her to go to sleep and relax her grip on me, so I could
escape quietly. Slowly I would ease my finger out of
hers, hoping she was too asleep to notice, but she would
whimper and hold my finger tightly again.
I tried singing her to sleep, but I could only think of
one song and it wasn’t a lullaby, and singing is not on
my personal gift list. In retrospect I think the few
times I thought I had sung her to sleep, she had
probably been bored to bits after hearing the song
thirty-four times, or found sleep preferable to
listening to my off-key voice.
I would push her in her buggy for miles, trying to get
her to sleep. I would even choose my route so that I
pushed her towards the sunlight and she would have to
close her eyes or be dazzled. I know that sounds
terrible, but I was desperate for a nap myself, and
decided that the idea of sleep deprivation as a form of
torture must have been discovered by the parents of very
young children.
Nathan would only sleep or be quiet when in constant
contact with me, in a baby carrier, or in my bed. I
carried him in the sling-thing whilst he napped until
his legs were so long that his feet bumped my thighs to
bruises as I walked around with him!
Soon I had three young children and none of them were
keen on sleep. I tried every idea in the book, and some
that weren’t in the book, too. I couldn’t believe how
little sleep an active, growing and healthy toddler
needed! One five minute nap and their batteries were
fully charged for eight hours of intense Energizer Bunny
activity.
Someone told me that children who are reluctant to
sleep are often very intelligent and creative, and I
clung on tightly to that comforting thought, like a
snugly security blanket, even though it was probably
just another myth, like the story of ‘Sleeping Beauty.’
Eventually the older two developed a reasonable sleeping
pattern, but Joel would wake up several times a night,
climb into any other bed where he could find a place to
lie down, and then wriggle about like a hyperactive
caterpillar. If he came into my bed I learned to go and
get into his, quickly, whilst it was still warm!
We gave him long warm baths, played him classical
music, gave him a furry green frog hot water bottle,
read him long stories, and sang him songs. We took him
for drives, and we cuddled him. As a last resort I
climbed into bed with him and fell asleep. He crawled
around me and escaped into the bathroom, where he did
some very creative things with a roll of toilet paper…
Finally, several months later, Joel came to me and
said, ‘Mummy, I’m tired, please put me to bed.’
I think I absent-mindedly said, ‘Not now darling, I’m
busy,’ before I realised the significance of his
comment.
The good news is that they all finally got the hang of
the sleeping thing. Very well. Now they are teenagers
and they seem to sleep for hours. I sometimes wonder if
they would just go into hibernation if we didn’t prod
them every morning to make sure they are still alive,
and if they didn’t have the exciting prospect of an
amazingly fun day at school to lure them out of bed
every day.
But Sundays are special. Sundays we have time to get up
and cook food with irresistible and tasty fragrances. We
cook sausages and hash browns, baked beans and scrambled
eggs, waffles and maple syrup, hot chocolate…Mmm.
Delicious smells waft up the stairs and into their
dreams. Last one down only gets the leftovers and the
washing up…And if all else fails, we just burn the toast
and the smoke detector soon wakes them up.
Perhaps we could invent a new kind of alarm clock. No
sound. Just smells. Wake up to a choice of fresh baked
bread, melting chocolate, or sausages.
And maybe, just maybe, there is a special fragrance has
the opposite effect and soothes children to sleep, like
Teddy bear fluff, security blanket, Mummy’s skin,
freshly washed sheets and bubble bath… Mmm. Wouldn’t
mind trying that myself…Especially the Teddy bear
fluff…Just one big whiff…and…I’m…get…ting……….slee…………py.
I’ll wake up when I smell the sausages…….
Karen Holford
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STRESS – PART 2
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
How does stress manifest itself? In a ‘normal’ stress
response, the physical effects of stress could be
lifesaving. This is the ‘flight or fight’ response when
experiencing fear or threat, where our body releases a
rush of adrenaline, giving us the impetus we need to
fight the threat or fear or to run away. This is the
body’s emergency response. Changes occur in the
cardiovascular and metabolic system, increasing pulse,
blood pressure and sugar levels, and blood is diverted
to vital organs such as the lungs, heart and muscles.
When suffering ongoing stress, the body instigates the
‘flight or fight’ response continuously, and we
experience a variety of symptoms which generally fall
into four categories: physical – our body’s response;
behaviour – the things we do; emotional – what we feel;
psychological – our individual thinking style.
Physical
symptoms:
Aches and pains, breathlessness, change in menstrual
cycle, chest pain and/or palpitations, constipation,
diarrhoea, headaches, indigestion, muscle twitches,
nausea, recurrence of previous illnesses/allergies, skin
conditions, sleep problems, tiredness, tightness in
chest, weight loss or weight gain.
Behavioural
symptoms:
Accident-prone, change in sleeping patterns, declining
work performance, drinkers and smokers increase habit,
inability to relax, inability to express feelings, loss
of appetite, loss of libido, overeating, over-reaching
to issues, poor time management, poor judgement,
withdrawing from family and friends.
Emotional
symptoms/feelings:
Anger, anxiety, decrease in confidence/self-esteem,
feeling helpless, feelings of guilt, feelings of shame,
feeling out of control, increasingly cynical, lack of
enthusiasm, mood swings, poor concentration, tension.
Psychological
symptoms/recurrent negative thoughts and expressions:
‘I can’t cope’, ‘I don’t know what to do’, ‘I don’t seem
to be able to get on top of things’, ‘I keep forgetting
where I put things’, ‘I’m a failure’, ‘I should be able
to cope’, loss of judgment, ‘nobody understands’,
‘what’s the point?’, ‘why is everyone getting at me?’
Recognising what stresses us and an awareness of how
our symptoms present themselves, will enable us to take
action to minimise or reduce the effects. We will
explore effective stress management in the forthcoming
issues.
Good health!
Sharon Platt-McDonald
RGN, RM, RHV, MSc
Health Ministries
Director, BUC
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ANGEL IN HIS HEART
See that you do not look down on one of these
little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven
always see the face of my Father in heaven. Matthew
18:10.
I always intended to make sure that I looked
nice and attractive for my family, but with three small
children, and a hectic ministry schedule, it was hard to
find the time to brush my hair, let alone curl it or do
anything else. If I did decide to curl it, I'd usually
find myself sitting on the floor of the bedroom playing
with a toddler, or reading a story at the same time.
A couple of pregnancies still hadn't
completely shed themselves from my body, and the
practicalities of nursing babies meant I'd usually be
wearing sweatshirts and pants, and not my favorite Laura
Ashley dresses (presents from my mother!)
So, I felt saggy and baggy, frumpy and drab,
before the day had barely begun. And by the evening I
was also adorned with gluey fingerprints, globs of
dried-on cereal and grass stains from a frolic in the
garden. Oh yes, the baby had also spit up in my hair,
and every now and then the fragrance of a cheese factory
wafted past my face. I bathed the children, and dried
them, one at a time, sitting on my lap. The inevitable
happened, and whilst I caught most of the puddle in the
towel, I could feel a warm wet area spreading down the
leg of my pants. Oh, well, I thought, I'll change and
have a shower once they're all in bed. I rebathed the
wet child, and powdered and dressed them all for bed.
We had a story, and a prayer, and I was gratefully
tucking them in for the night when a happy, cosy, drowsy
little boy turned to me, and said, 'Oh mommy, you look
just like an angel!'
I didn't feel like an angel, and I knew that I
looked more like the prodigal son in the pigsty than
anything celestial. But I smiled, and stored away those
words in a special corner of my heart. One day, I hope
and pray, Nathan will see a real angel in perfect beauty
and loveliness. Here, he knows he has a guardian angel
that is with him every minute of the day and night. It
must be wonderful to look like an angel, so perfect, so
beautiful, so spotless, but it's not looks that count
when you are an angel. The important thing is being
there for the one you care for, providing, protecting,
loving...
I'm no angel, but I have also been with him
every minute of the day, meeting his needs, protecting
him and loving him, in everything he's done, and it
shows. It shows in my hair, it shows on my clothes, it
shows in the tired lines, and the smiles on my face.
But, most of all, I hope it shows in his heart.
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THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
My Mother taught me... “TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE”
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside... I
just finished cleaning.”
My Mother taught me... “RELIGION”
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My Mother taught me... “TIME TRAVEL”
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into
the middle of next week!”
My Mother taught me... “LOGIC”
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
My Mother taught me... “MORE LOGIC”
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you’re not going to the store with me.”
My Mother taught me... “FORESIGHT”
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in
an accident.”
My Mother taught me... “IRONY”
“Keep crying, and I’ll really give you something to cry
about.”
My Mother taught me... “OSMOSIS”
“Shut your mouth, and eat your supper.”
My Mother taught me... “CONTORTIONISM”
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
My Mother taught me... “STAMINA”
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
My Mother taught me... “WEATHER”
“This room of yours looks as if a Tornado went through
it.”
My Mother taught me... “HYPOCRISY”
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.
Don’t exaggerate!”
My Mother taught me... “CIRCLE OF LIFE”
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out...” (The “God Mother”?)
My Mother taught me... “BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION”
“Stop acting like your Father!”
My Mother taught me... “ENVY”
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
My Mother taught me... “ANTICIPATION”
“Just wait till we get home.”
My Mother taught me... “RECEIVING”
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
My Mother taught me... “MEDICAL SCIEINCE”
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
get stuck that way.”
My Mother taught me... “ESP”
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you
are cold?”
My Mother taught me... “HUMOUR”
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come
running to me.”
My Mother taught me... “HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT”
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow
up.”
My Mother taught me... “GENETICS”
“You’re just like your Father.”
My Mother taught me... “ROOTS”
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a barn?”
My Mother taught me... “WISDOM”
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand all these
things I’ve been trying to teach you your life.”
Finally,
My Mother taught me... “JUSTICE”
“And one day, you’ll have children, and I hope they will
be just like you, my child, and God bless you.”
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‘Mum, I’m
bored!’
How is it
that a child who has about two hundred toys, a computer
and a video, can still be bored? Why is it that children
only seem to get bored when their parents are doing
something urgent and complicated, which involves a lot
of mess?
Let them
be bored – very few children have ever died of boredom.
It’s a fairly low-risk activity. Besides, most children
have every minute of the day crammed with activity and a
few moments to relax and reflect might be a good
experience.
Try to
avoid telling your child what to do when they are bored,
as it’s good for them to think their way out of boredom
on their own. Then they may have a few ideas of things
they can do next time they feel bored.
Encourage
each child to create their own ‘boredom-busting’ list –
with at least twenty things to do when they feel bored.
That will save you trying to think up something for them
to do while you’re trying to fill in your tax form.
If your
child finds it hard to write their own boredom-busting
list, jump-start them with a few ideas. Perhaps you
could tell them what you used to do when you were bored.
Remember seeing how many words you could make out of a
big word, finding out how many tiny things you could fit
in a matchbox, fishing with a worm on the end of a piece
of string, or even sorting granny’s buttons in her jam
tart tins!
It’s
helpful if the ideas on the boredom list are things the
children can do on their own, just in case you are in
the middle of putting together your new flat-pack
conservatory when their boredom strikes!
Try
filling an old ice-cream box with all the little fiddly
puzzles you can find, like mazes, slide puzzles, and
interlinking metal puzzles. Let your children explore
the box, and fiddle with the things when they are bored
on long car journeys, or sick in bed.
Unearthing
some old jigsaws might work for some children. Ask them
to check if there are any pieces missing, and then they
may feel that they are being helpful, too.
Keep half
of your children’s toys in the attic so that they can be
rediscovered when they appear again.
Try the
building brick challenge for a new twist on a familiar
toy. Ask your child to make a small house, or an animal,
or whatever, out of their Danish plastic interlocking
brick system, but they must use exactly 27 pieces.
Find your
old photo albums and let the children have fun looking
through them and remembering holidays and other fun
times.
Think
about the next birthday in the family and ask your child
to make the person a birthday card. Perhaps you could
create a box of bits and pieces for making cards, and
let your children make a few cards whenever they feel
like it. Add some stick adhesive, or double-sided tape,
and the children can have fun fairly cheaply and without
too much mess.
If you are
too busy to cook, perhaps your children would like to
create their own pizzas on ready-made bases. Add the
sauce and then let them create patterns out of different
toppings. Or let them create their own ice-cream
sundaes. Of course, you have to taste them all to see
which ones are the best!
If your
child has a big pile of comics or magazines, ask them to
sort out which ones they want to keep. This can keep
them entertained for a while as they look through the
comics again, and read the things they missed the first
time around.
Give them
some pavement chalks and let them draw a huge picture on
the patio.
Keep a box
full of interesting junk, such as unusual plastic lids
and packaging, drinking straws, paper plates, etc. When
your child is bored, ask them to create a new kind of
bird, or a strange invention, out of the things in the
box.
Play Bin
Basketball. Throw balls of crumpled up newspaper into
the waste paper basket. Do this inside or outside and
encourage the children to make up their own rules.
Perhaps they have to sit or stand in a certain place to
throw the balls. Or maybe the basket can be put in
different places to make it a bit more challenging.
Give your
child a packet of small, plain fairy cakes, some small
tubes of icing, and some different cake decorations, and
let them create their own cakes. For a healthier option,
give children round crackers, peanut-butter or cream
cheese, and an assortment of grated cheese or carrots,
cucumber slices, raisins, etc and let the children make
tasty ‘faces’ by arranging the toppings on the crackers.
And what
about you? Are you easily bored? What do you do when you
don’t know what else to do? Do you have hobbies you can
share with your child? Do your children see you reading,
or learning, or helping others in your spare time? Maybe
you could write your own ‘boredom-busting’ list, so that
you have a few fun ideas to fill in the moments when you
need a break from assembling that flat-pack
conservatory!
What are
your favourite boredom-busters? Perhaps you could send
them in to the editor, to give us a few ideas of things
to do between writing articles!
Karen
Holford
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