April 2011

 
 

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Editorial

 

Send your ideas, thoughts and feelings to LetsConnect

Heather Haworth. Women’s Ministries Department. British Union Conference of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.  Stanborough Park. Watford. Hertfordshire. WD25 9JZ. United Kingdom.

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Mother’s Day is usually a happy occasion. It might bring up feelings of loss for those whose child or mother have quarrelled or died. On the other hand there will be many homes where hugs and gifts are presented to the special female in the family.

Looking for articles for this issue made me even more aware, how and why, mums are important. Recently Karen Holford was an insightful  speaker at a Mums and daughters weekend. She creatively inspired the ladies and girls to appreciate what a special bond they can enjoy but on our Inspiration page she looks at a Mums and sons special time. Karen’s creativity is on a number of pages giving us some insights into what it means to be a mum to especially younger children.

 If you want a challenging life then being a mum fulfils that wish.

 

 

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Pot-pourri

 

 

 

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If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet

And is entirely open at the top,

The bird, in spite of its ability to fly,

Will be an absolute prisoner.  The reason is

That a buzzard always begins a flight from

The ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet.

Without space to run, as is its habit,

It will not even attempt to fly, but will remain

A prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.

 

 
 

The ordinary bat that flies around at night,

A remarkably nimble creature in the air,

Cannot take off from a level place.

If it is placed on the floor or flat ground,

All it can do is shuffle about helplessly

And, no doubt, painfully, until it

Reaches some slight elevation from which it can

Throw itself into the air.  Then, at once, it

Takes off like a flash.

 

 
 

A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler,

Will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out.

It never sees the means of escape at the top,

But persists in trying to find some way out

Through the sides, near the bottom.  It

Will seek a way where none exists, until it

Completely destroys itself.

 

 
 

In many ways, we are like the buzzard, the bat, and

The bumblebee.  We struggle about with all our

Problems and frustrations, never realizing that

All we have to do is look up!

That’s the answer, the escape route and the solution

To any problem!  Just look up.

 

 
 

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, but faith looks up!

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and

Trust in our Creator who loves us.

 

 

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Feature

 

 

 

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·       

Taming the Messy-Monster!

 Have you got a messy-monster in your house? We have. The messy-monster hides in corners, oozes out of drawers, and breeds under the bed. Its main purpose in life is to make sure that we can’t see enough of the carpet to make it worth while vacuuming. Messy-monsters like to live in the same houses as children, because then there’s more stuff to mess up. For the messy-monster chaos is fun. The challenge is that there’s usually someone in the family who finds it difficult to live in the messy-monster’s world.

 ·       Messy monsters are born wild, but they can sometimes be tamed if you all work together to keep them under control. Here are a few messy-monster taming tips.

 ·       Minimise the amount of stuff children keep in their rooms. If you have space, give each child a big box in the attic for keeping out of season clothes and toys.

·       Give each child their own duster and show them how to use it. Keep a mini vacuum cleaner upstairs for children to use in their own rooms.

·       Organise their storage so there is a clear place for everything, and make sure the space is the right size for everything that needs to go there.

·       Label drawers so that everyone knows where to put things. Use pictures on the drawers of younger children.

·       Buy strong plastic boxes for storing all those little toys that can easily make a mess. You can sometimes get extra large, empty ice-cream containers from restaurants that stack quite easily. Label these clearly with words and pictures for different kinds of toys, art materials, dolls’ clothes, etc.

·       Encourage children to put their toys away tidily when they have finished with them. Make a game of it so that it becomes fun to tidy up. Put on a short piece of lively music and see if the children can tidy the room before the music finishes!

·       Keep a large attractive basket or box in the main living area where any scattered toys can be dumped quickly when visitors are coming.

·       Lay a large sheet on the floor when children are playing with lots of little toys and construction kits. When it’s time to tidy away, gather up the sheet and pour the toys into their boxes. Or roll the sheet up with all the bits inside, until it’s time to play again.

·       Tidy rooms with your children. When a child sees a large, untidy mess, it feels discouraging and they don’t always know the best way to tackle it. Sharing the job with you is more fun, and you can show your children how to sort things out and put them away, so they can learn the skills, too.

·       Make your children’s rooms attractive and they’ll be more likely to want to keep them tidy. Involve children with the design of their rooms. When they feel the room is really their space, they may be much more likely to want to keep it tidy.

·       Encourage your children to tidy their rooms as they get up in the morning, by making their bed, putting pyjamas away, and tidying up any stray clothes.

·       Try the ‘five minute tidy’ in the evening. Give each child a fun and noisy egg-timer. Set the timer for five minutes and see how many things they can tidy away in a short space of time. Limiting the tidying time to five minutes a day can help the job to seem more manageable, and controls most of the clutter.

·       Tidying up time can be more successful if it’s before supper, when children still have enough energy to manage the job.

·       Whenever your child gets something new, encourage them to give something old away, by handing things down, or by donating them to a school sale or charity shop.

·       Hide chocolate or real coins in the messiest places in your child’s room, so that they are encouraged to tidy up and find the treats!

·       Set a good example for your children. If you find it hard to keep your stuff tidy, no wonder they do too!

·       Go through each room on a regular basis clearing away anything that doesn’t need to be there. Take three boxes, one for things to throw away, one for things to give away, and one box to go into storage. Then throw, give and store straight away before you change your mind!

·       Encourage your child to have one large toy for a birthday, rather than lots of smaller things. If your child is happy with this, relatives and friends can make donations towards the toy too. Or give gifts of experiences, such as cinema vouchers, theatre tokens, and tickets for sporting events. In one family, relatives buy music and swimming lessons as Christmas presents.

·       You don’t have to fight the messy monster all the way. Tidy monsters can sometimes be difficult to live with too! A home can be clean enough to be healthy, and still messy enough to be happy!

·       If all else fails, make mess a feature of your home. Just feel comfortable in it and don’t sweat the small stuff. Someone once gave me a picture that said ‘A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.’ If things are messy for a while, it’s probably because you have something more important to do, like spending time having fun with your children. Besides, if a house is tidy 99% of the time, people only seem to visit you during the 1% of the time when it looks like a pigsty!

 

Karen Holford

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Issues 

 

 

 

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Time for Bed!

 

Before I had children I had the gently optimistic idea that babies slept for long periods of time. It wasn’t long after the birth of our first child that I discovered that the sleep story was a myth, like tooth fairies and Father Christmas.

 Other mums proudly told me how their babies slept through the night from three weeks, or how they would just say ‘Time for bed!’ like Zebedee in ‘The Magic Roundabout’ and the child would obediently shut his eyes and calmly drift off into a peaceful slumber. My children were apparently allergic to sleep. Words like ‘bed’, ‘sleep’, ‘nap’, and ‘pyjamas’ were taboo in our home.

 Bethany would only go to sleep if she was holding our hand, or a finger. I would sit by her cot, waiting for her to go to sleep and relax her grip on me, so I could escape quietly. Slowly I would ease my finger out of hers, hoping she was too asleep to notice, but she would whimper and hold my finger tightly again.

 I tried singing her to sleep, but I could only think of one song and it wasn’t a lullaby, and singing is not on my personal gift list. In retrospect I  think the few times I thought I had sung her to sleep, she had probably been bored to bits after hearing the song thirty-four times, or found sleep preferable to listening to my off-key voice.

 I would push her in her buggy for miles, trying to get her to sleep. I would even choose my route so that I pushed her towards the sunlight and she would have to close her eyes or be dazzled. I know that sounds terrible, but I was desperate for a nap myself, and decided that the idea of sleep deprivation as a form of torture must have been discovered by the parents of very young children.

 Nathan would only sleep or be quiet when in constant contact with me, in a baby carrier, or in my bed. I carried him in the sling-thing whilst he napped until his legs were so long that his feet bumped my thighs to bruises as I walked around with him!

 Soon I had three young children and none of them were keen on sleep. I tried every idea in the book, and some that weren’t in the book, too. I couldn’t believe how little sleep an active, growing and healthy toddler needed! One five minute nap and their batteries were fully charged for eight hours of intense Energizer Bunny activity.

 Someone told me that children who are reluctant to sleep are often very intelligent and creative, and I clung on tightly to that comforting thought, like a snugly security blanket, even though it was probably just another myth, like the story of ‘Sleeping Beauty.’ Eventually the older two developed a reasonable sleeping pattern, but Joel would wake up several times a night, climb into any other bed where he could find a place to lie down, and then wriggle about like a hyperactive caterpillar. If he came into my bed I learned to go and get into his, quickly, whilst it was still warm!

 We gave him long warm baths, played him classical music, gave him a furry green frog hot water bottle, read him long stories, and sang him songs. We took him for drives, and we cuddled him. As a last resort I climbed into bed with him and fell asleep. He crawled around me and escaped into the bathroom, where he did some very creative things with a roll of toilet paper…

 Finally, several months later, Joel came to me and said, ‘Mummy, I’m tired, please put me to bed.’

 I think I absent-mindedly said, ‘Not now darling, I’m busy,’ before I realised the significance of his comment.

The good news is that they all finally got the hang of the sleeping thing. Very well. Now they are teenagers and they seem to sleep for hours. I sometimes wonder if they would just go into hibernation if we didn’t prod them every morning to make sure they are still alive, and if they didn’t have the exciting prospect of an amazingly fun day at school to lure them out of bed every day.

 But Sundays are special. Sundays we have time to get up and cook food with irresistible and tasty fragrances. We cook sausages and hash browns, baked beans and scrambled eggs, waffles and maple syrup, hot chocolate…Mmm. Delicious smells waft up the stairs and into their dreams. Last one down only gets the leftovers and the washing up…And if all else fails, we just burn the toast and the smoke detector soon wakes them up.

 Perhaps we could invent a new kind of alarm clock. No sound. Just smells. Wake up to a choice of fresh baked bread, melting chocolate, or sausages.

And maybe, just maybe, there is a special fragrance has the opposite effect and soothes children to sleep, like Teddy bear fluff, security blanket, Mummy’s skin, freshly washed sheets and bubble bath… Mmm.  Wouldn’t mind trying that myself…Especially the Teddy bear fluff…Just one big whiff…and…I’m…get…ting……….slee…………py.

 I’ll wake up when I smell the sausages…….

 

 Karen Holford

 

 

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Health and Beauty

 

 

 

 

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STRESS – PART 2

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS

 

How does stress manifest itself?  In a ‘normal’ stress response, the physical effects of stress could be lifesaving.  This is the ‘flight or fight’ response when experiencing fear or threat, where our body releases a rush of adrenaline, giving us the impetus we need to fight the threat or fear or to run away.  This is the body’s emergency response.  Changes occur in the cardiovascular and metabolic system, increasing pulse, blood pressure and sugar levels, and blood is diverted to vital organs such as the lungs, heart and muscles.

 When suffering ongoing stress, the body instigates the ‘flight or fight’ response continuously, and we experience a variety of symptoms which generally fall into four categories: physical – our body’s response; behaviour – the things we do; emotional – what we feel; psychological – our individual thinking style.

 Physical symptoms:

Aches and pains, breathlessness, change in menstrual cycle, chest pain and/or palpitations, constipation, diarrhoea, headaches, indigestion, muscle twitches, nausea, recurrence of previous illnesses/allergies, skin conditions, sleep problems, tiredness, tightness in chest, weight loss or weight gain.

 Behavioural symptoms:

Accident-prone, change in sleeping patterns, declining work performance, drinkers and smokers increase habit, inability to relax, inability to express feelings, loss of appetite, loss of libido, overeating, over-reaching to issues, poor time management, poor judgement, withdrawing from family and friends.

 Emotional symptoms/feelings:

Anger, anxiety, decrease in confidence/self-esteem, feeling helpless, feelings of guilt, feelings of shame, feeling out of control, increasingly cynical, lack of enthusiasm, mood swings, poor concentration, tension.

 Psychological symptoms/recurrent negative thoughts and expressions:

‘I can’t cope’, ‘I don’t know what to do’, ‘I don’t seem to be able to get on top of things’, ‘I keep forgetting where I put things’, ‘I’m a failure’, ‘I should be able to cope’, loss of judgment, ‘nobody understands’, ‘what’s the point?’, ‘why is everyone getting at me?’

 Recognising what stresses us and an awareness of how our symptoms present themselves, will enable us to take action to minimise or reduce the effects.  We will explore effective stress management in the forthcoming issues.

 Good health!

Sharon Platt-McDonald

RGN, RM, RHV, MSc

Health Ministries Director, BUC

 

 

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Inspiration 

 

 

 

 

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ANGEL IN HIS HEART

 

          See that you do not look down on one of these little ones.  For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.  Matthew 18:10.

           I always intended to make sure that I looked nice and attractive for my family, but with three small children, and a hectic ministry schedule, it was hard to find the time to brush my hair, let alone curl it or do anything else.  If I did decide to curl it, I'd usually find myself sitting on the floor of the bedroom playing with a toddler, or reading a story at the same time. 

          A couple of pregnancies still hadn't completely shed themselves from my body, and the practicalities of nursing babies meant I'd usually be wearing sweatshirts and pants, and not my favorite Laura Ashley dresses (presents from my mother!)

          So, I felt saggy and baggy, frumpy and drab, before the day had barely begun.  And by the evening I was also adorned with gluey fingerprints, globs of dried-on cereal and grass stains from a frolic in the garden.  Oh yes, the baby had also spit up in my hair, and every now and then the fragrance of a cheese factory wafted past my face.  I bathed the children, and dried them, one at a time, sitting on my lap.  The inevitable happened, and whilst I caught most of the puddle in the towel, I could feel a warm wet area spreading down the leg of my pants.  Oh, well, I thought, I'll change and have a shower once they're all in bed.  I rebathed the wet child, and powdered and dressed them all for bed.  We had a story, and a prayer, and I was gratefully tucking them in for the night when a happy, cosy, drowsy little boy turned to me, and said, 'Oh mommy, you look just like an angel!'

          I didn't feel like an angel, and I knew that I looked more like the prodigal son in the pigsty than anything celestial.  But I smiled, and stored away those words in a special corner of my heart.  One day, I hope and pray, Nathan will see a real angel in perfect beauty and loveliness.  Here, he knows he has a guardian angel that is with him every minute of the day and night.  It must be wonderful to look like an angel, so perfect, so beautiful, so spotless, but it's not looks that count when you are an angel.  The important thing is being there for the one you care for, providing, protecting, loving...

          I'm no angel, but I have also been with him every minute of the day, meeting his needs, protecting him and loving him, in everything he's done, and it shows.  It shows in my hair, it shows on my clothes, it shows in the tired lines, and the smiles on my face.  But, most of all, I hope it shows in his heart.

 

Karen Holford

 

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Men's page

 

 

 

 

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·        

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

 

 

My Mother taught me... “TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE”

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside...  I just finished cleaning.”

 

My Mother taught me... “RELIGION”

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

 

My Mother taught me... “TIME TRAVEL”

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

 

My Mother taught me... “LOGIC”

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

 

My Mother taught me... “MORE LOGIC”

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

 

My Mother taught me... “FORESIGHT”

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

 

My Mother taught me... “IRONY”

“Keep crying, and I’ll really give you something to cry about.”

 

My Mother taught me... “OSMOSIS”

“Shut your mouth, and eat your supper.”

 

My Mother taught me... “CONTORTIONISM”

“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

 

My Mother taught me... “STAMINA”

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

 

My Mother taught me... “WEATHER”

“This room of yours looks as if a Tornado went through it.”

 

My Mother taught me... “HYPOCRISY”

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.  Don’t exaggerate!”

 

My Mother taught me... “CIRCLE OF LIFE”

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out...”  (The “God Mother”?)

 

My Mother taught me... “BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION”

“Stop acting like your Father!”

 

My Mother taught me... “ENVY”

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

 

My Mother taught me... “ANTICIPATION”

“Just wait till we get home.”

 

My Mother taught me... “RECEIVING”

“You are going to get it when you get home!”

 

 

My Mother taught me... “MEDICAL SCIEINCE”

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

 

My Mother taught me... “ESP”

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

 

My Mother taught me... “HUMOUR”

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

 

My Mother taught me... “HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT”

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

 

My Mother taught me... “GENETICS”

“You’re just like your Father.”

 

My Mother taught me... “ROOTS”

“Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?”

 

My Mother taught me... “WISDOM”

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand all these things I’ve been trying to teach you your life.”

 

Finally,

 

My Mother taught me... “JUSTICE”

“And one day, you’ll have children, and I hope they will be just like you, my child, and God bless you.”

 

 

 

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Lifestyle

 

 

 

 

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‘Mum, I’m bored!’

How is it that a child who has about two hundred toys, a computer and a video, can still be bored? Why is it that children only seem to get bored when their parents are doing something urgent and complicated, which involves a lot of mess?

 Let them be bored – very few children have ever died of boredom. It’s a fairly low-risk activity. Besides, most children have every minute of the day crammed with activity and a few moments to relax and reflect might be a good experience.

 Try to avoid telling your child what to do when they are bored, as it’s good for them to think their way out of boredom on their own. Then they may have a few ideas of things they can do next time they feel bored.

 Encourage each child to create their own ‘boredom-busting’ list – with at least twenty things to do when they feel bored. That will save you trying to think up something for them to do while you’re trying to fill in your tax form.

 If your child finds it hard to write their own boredom-busting list, jump-start them with a few ideas. Perhaps you could tell them what you used to do when you were bored. Remember seeing how many words you could make out of a big word, finding out how many tiny things you could fit in a matchbox, fishing with a worm on the end of a piece of string, or even sorting granny’s buttons in her jam tart tins!

 It’s helpful if the ideas on the boredom list are things the children can do on their own, just in case you are in the middle of putting together your new flat-pack conservatory when their boredom strikes!

 Try filling an old ice-cream box with all the little fiddly puzzles you can find, like mazes, slide puzzles, and interlinking metal puzzles. Let your children explore the box, and fiddle with the things when they are bored on long car journeys, or sick in bed.

 Unearthing some old jigsaws might work for some children. Ask them to check if there are any pieces missing, and then they may feel that they are being helpful, too.

 Keep half of your children’s toys in the attic so that they can be rediscovered when they appear again.

 Try the building brick challenge for a new twist on a familiar toy. Ask your child to make a small house, or an animal, or whatever, out of their Danish plastic interlocking brick system, but they must use exactly 27 pieces.

 Find your old photo albums and let the children have fun looking through them and remembering holidays and other fun times.

 Think about the next birthday in the family and ask your child to make the person a birthday card. Perhaps you could create a box of bits and pieces for making cards, and let your children make a few cards whenever they feel like it. Add some stick adhesive, or double-sided tape, and the children can have fun fairly cheaply and without too much mess.

 If you are too busy to cook, perhaps your children would like to create their own pizzas on ready-made bases. Add the sauce and then let them create patterns out of different toppings. Or let them create their own ice-cream sundaes. Of course, you have to taste them all to see which ones are the best!

 If your child has a big pile of comics or magazines, ask them to sort out which ones they want to keep. This can keep them entertained for a while as they look through the comics again, and read the things they missed the first time around.

 Give them some pavement chalks and let them draw a huge picture on the patio.

 Keep a box full of interesting junk, such as unusual plastic lids and packaging, drinking straws, paper plates, etc. When your child is bored, ask them to create a new kind of bird, or a strange invention, out of the things in the box.

 Play Bin Basketball. Throw balls of crumpled up newspaper into the waste paper basket. Do this inside or outside and encourage the children to make up their own rules. Perhaps they have to sit or stand in a certain place to throw the balls. Or maybe the basket can be put in different places to make it a bit more challenging.

 Give your child a packet of small, plain fairy cakes, some small tubes of icing, and some different cake decorations, and let them create their own cakes. For a healthier option, give children round crackers, peanut-butter or cream cheese, and an assortment of grated cheese or carrots, cucumber slices, raisins, etc and let the children make tasty ‘faces’ by arranging the toppings on the crackers.

 And what about you? Are you easily bored? What do you do when you don’t know what else to do? Do you have hobbies you can share with your child? Do your children see you reading, or learning, or helping others in your spare time? Maybe you could write your own ‘boredom-busting’ list, so that you have a few fun ideas to fill in the moments when you need a break from assembling that flat-pack conservatory!

 What are your favourite boredom-busters? Perhaps you could send them in to the editor, to give us a few ideas of things to do between writing articles!

 Karen Holford

 

 

 

 

 

 

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