Editorial

Send your ideas, thoughts and feelings to LetsConnect Heather Haworth. Women’s Ministries Department. British Union Conference of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.  Stanborough Park. Watford. Hertfordshire. WD25 9JZ. United Kingdom. email contact:-   Letsconnect For past editions follow this link

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Step parenting is a feature of the Christmas story. Joseph stepped into the role of earthy father to Jesus.

Stepfamilies are on the increase and, with much love and hard work, a blended family home can be a happy and positive place to be.

You get talking to a mum, dad and their four kids while you’re queueing for cinema tickets and - without really thinking about it - you assume Mum is mother of all the children, Dad is father of all the children, and the children are all brothers and sisters. If you gave it any thought, you might guess they’d been married about 16 years - the oldest child looks about 13 or 14.

But maybe only two of the children live with them all the time. The other two stay at weekends - they live with their other parent. This couple may have only been married for two years - he was a widower and she had been divorced. They may be struggling with the effects of her first husband on this family, resentment from grandparents and lack of space and time. You just don’t know. However second families are made up, it’s hard work to get them to blend. It takes time, effort, patience and lots of love. But it can - and very often does - work.

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                                     A Christmas  Meditation

I saw Christmas …………..

 It was a beautiful thing to see,

It was all red and green, and sparkly in color.

 It was tinselled stars, snow-clad hills, and

scented pine trees.

It was gay packages, colored lights, happy Santas,

and prancing reindeer.

 It was stuffed turkey, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie

and wished for electric trains

It was a stocking hung by the chimney, a sleepy

little boy,  a warm crackling fire.

 It was a humble bed of straw, a radiant mother,

a beautiful baby.

I heard Christmas ……………..

 It was a beautiful thing to hear

I heard it in the laughter of a child,

In the patter of ascending stairs to hide a gift.

 In the jingle of sleigh bells across the snow.

 In the click of grandmother’s needles as she

finished knitting,

In the muffled sounds from the workshop in the cellar.

I heard Christmas………………

 As greetings were exchanged over the counter, -

and along the street.

 I heard Christmas from the choir as it was

   practicing a cantata, and from a group of

carollers as they lifted their voices in the

glorious harmony of “Silent Night  - Holy Night”……

 I heard Christmas in the scuff of sandaled feet

as the shepherds and wise men crossed the fields

to enter Bethlehem , bearing their treasured gifts.

 I heard Christmas  from the choir as it was 

I felt Christmas………………

It was a beautiful thing to feel,

I felt it all around me, and it enfolded me

as a warm, soft cloak,

I felt it in the very cold tingle of the air, 

I felt it in the mass of humanity moving around

me in a closer walk of brotherhood,  where

quarrels are forgotten – wrongs righted – and

a smile on the face of all.

 I felt Christmas in the very presence of

the newborn King

I felt HIM so near, I could almost touch the

hem of HIS garment.

I felt the true meaning and the Spirit of Christmas,

as it renewed itself in each man’s heart.

I felt that life and death again held purpose and

Meaning through the birthday of a KING!

 I saw Christmas!

I heard Christmas!

I felt Christmas!

 And I knew that once again there would be

“Peace on earth, Good will toward all men”

………………………Jeanne Rosenberger

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THE PURPOSE OF A DOG   (from a 6-year-old) Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.    I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.    As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six- year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.    The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.    The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.   Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''    Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live. He said, ''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,     ''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''    Live simply.    Love generously.    Care deeply.    Speak kindly.    Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:    When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.    Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.    Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.    Take naps.    Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily.    Thrive on attention and let people touch you.    Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.    On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.    On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.    When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.    Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.    Be loyal.    Never pretend to be something you're not.    If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.    When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.    ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

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A True Christmas Story A brother and sister had made their usual hurried, obligatory pre- Christmas visit to the little farm where dwelt their elderly parents with their small herd of horses. The farm was where they had grown up and had been named Lone Pine Farm because of the huge pine, which topped the hill behind the farm. Through the years the tree had become a talisman to the old man and his wife, and a landmark in the countryside. The young siblings had fond memories of their childhood here but the city hustle and bustle added more excitement to their lives, and called them away to a different life.  The old folks no longer showed their horses, for the years had taken their toll, and getting out to the barn on those frosty mornings was getting harder but it gave them a reason to get up in the mornings and a reason to live. They sold a few foals each year, and the horses were their reason for joy in the morning and contentment at day's end.  Angry, as they prepared to leave, the young couple confronted the old folks. "Why do you not at least dispose of 'The Old One." She is no longer of use to you. It's been years since you've had foals from her. You should cut corners and save so you can have more for yourselves. How can this old worn out horse bring you anything but expense and work? Why do you keep her anyway?" The old man looked down at his worn boots, holes in the toes, scuffed at the barn floor and replied, " Yes I could use a pair of new boots. His arm slid defensively about the Old One's neck as he drew her near with gentle caressing he rubbed her softly behind her ears. He replied softly, "We keep her because of love. Nothing else, just love."  Baffled and irritated, the young folks wished the old man and his wife a Merry Christmas and headed back toward the city as darkness stole through the valley. The old couple shook their heads in sorrow that it had not been a happy visit. A tear fell upon their cheeks. How is it that these young folks do not understand the peace of the love that filled their hearts?  So it was, that because of the unhappy leave-taking, no one noticed the insulation smoldering on the frayed wires in the old barn. None saw the first spark fall. None but the "Old One".  In a matter of minutes, the whole barn was ablaze and the hungry flames were licking at the loft full of hay. With a cry of horror and despair, the old man shouted to his wife to call for help as he raced to the barn to save their beloved horses. But the flames were roaring now, and the blazing heat drove him back. He sank sobbing to the ground, helpless before the fire's fury. His wife back from calling for help cradled him in her arms, clinging to each other, they wept at their loss.  By the time the fire department arrived, only smoking, glowing ruins were left, and the old man and his wife exhausted from their grief huddled together before the barn. They were speechless as they rose from the cold snow covered ground. They nodded thanks to the firemen as there was nothing anyone could do now. The old man turned to his wife, resting her white head upon his shoulders as his shaking old hands clumsily dried her tears with a frayed red bandana. Brokenly he whispered, "We have lost much, but God has spared our home on this eve of Christmas. Let us gather strength and climb the hill to the old pine where we have sought comfort in times of despair. We will look down upon our home and give thanks to God that it has been spared and pray for our beloved most precious gifts that have been taken from us.  And so, he took her by the hand and slowly helped her up the snowy hill as he brushed aside his own tears with the back of his old and withered hand.  The journey up the hill was hard for their old bodies in the steep snow. As they stepped over the little knoll at the crest of the hill, they paused to rest, looking up to the top of the hill the old couple gasped and fell to their knees in amazement at the incredible beauty before them.  Seemingly, every glorious, brilliant star in the heavens was caught up in the glittering, snow-frosted branches of their beloved pine, and it was aglow with heavenly candles. And poised on its top most bough, a crystal crescent moon glistened like spun glass. Never had a mere mortal created a Christmas tree such as this. They were breathless as the old man held his wife tighter in his arms.  Suddenly, the old man gave a cry of wonder and incredible joy. Amazed and mystified, he took his wife by the hand and pulled her forward. There, beneath the tree, in resplendent glory, a mist hovering over and glowing in the darkness was their Christmas gift. Shadows glistening in the night light.  Bedded down about the "Old One" close to the trunk of the tree, was the entire herd, safe.  At the first hint of smoke, she had pushed the door ajar with her muzzle and had led the horses through it. Slowly and with great dignity, never looking back, she had led them up the hill, stepping cautiously through the snow. The foals were frightened and dashed about. The skittish yearlings looked back at the crackling, hungry flames, and tucked their tails under them as they licked their lips and hopped like rabbits. The mares that were in foal with a new years crop of babies, pressed uneasily against the "Old One" as she moved calmly up the hill and to safety beneath the pine. And now, she lay among them and gazed at the faces of the old man and his wife. Those she loved she had not disappointed. Her body was brittle with years, tired from the climb, but the golden eyes were filled with devotion as she offered her gift---  Because of love. Only Because of love.  Tears flowed as the old couple shouted their praise and joy, And again the peace of love filled their hearts.  This is a true story.

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Because He First Loved Me

When I married, I became a stepdad to two children aged five and seven. I had no children of my own to use as a reference point. I found I’d taken on the joint responsibility for two children who’d already had their natural mum caring for them. The children also brought with them experiences of their upbringing so far, including living originally with two parents, and then with one.

I try to give what I can: my time, money, effort, and even love and understanding. Although I’m not too understanding when my stepchildren still haven’t tidied their rooms after they’ve been asked half a million times!

What do I get? Sometimes a stepchild who has a degree in stroppiness. Sometimes a stepchild who comes to give me a cuddle, or some other good thing, just because I’m me. Stepchildren come with questions: Will he always wear those hideous trousers? What do I call him? Is it always going to be like this? Can I trust him?

By the end of every day I think of all the things I wished they’d done differently. I also think of all the things I wish I’d done differently! I consider all the things that I hope will be better tomorrow and all the things I am determined to remember for longer than tomorrow.

Being a step-parent is being a parent. Nothing more and nothing less. I’ve found I have the opportunity to experience all the challenges and all the good things of parenting. As a stepson myself, I’ve found that I can only be the stepfather I am because of the good example of my own stepfather.

I can only be a father because someone chose to be a father to me.

Mark

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Second Marriage Stability When I met Christine she was hugely pregnant with her third child. Her husband had recently left her and their two sons, Andrew (9) and Mark (6), for another woman. I was in a similar position. My wife had left me and my three boys aged 15, 13 and 12. I was going through a divorce and struggling to keep my family together – working a 12-hour day in London, as well as shopping, cooking and washing. Life was a roller coaster of emotions and exhaustion was a daily reality. It was more than a year before our friendship began. From the outset, I felt a love for Christine. We supported each other and shared each other’s pain. Slowly, I was able to build a friendship with Andrew and Mark. Sometimes I would visit their home in time to read the bedtime story and quickly learned their ploys to keep me reading long after they should have been asleep! The relationship between Christine’s children and me had to be won. Their own father had let them down and would I do the same? I sensed resentment towards me in the early days. I owe so much to Christine for the way she guided their thoughts and opened the way to their acceptance of me as their friend. Mutual friends, and one couple in particular, looked after Christine’s children and allowed us precious time together. My boys soon got used to the idea of Christine coming and going from the house, and when they realised that she was a much more capable cook than their dad, they saw an  advantage in the merging of our families! By the time of the wedding, the children were used to spending some time all together. Occasional skirmishes occurred, quickly settled by agreement between all concerned. Rules of the house were minimal, but enforced. The boys found Victoria, now four, fascinating and paid her a lot of attention! It was sometimes hard work. Our financial resources were stretched for quite a time and we battled to find quality time for ourselves, as well as responding to the needs of the children. My eldest two boys became involved in questionable company, which gave rise to concern. We believe the new stability that their stepmum brought to the household had a calming effect. Both came through these difficult times. Two key things were respect and responsibility. It was up to me to accept responsibility for my new family and for us all to learn respect for each other. I believe that the example of our second marriage has given our children the stability they needed in the home. As they grew up we have occasionally all met together for a meal out, sometimes including girlfriends and, later, wives. Interesting comments were made as ten or twelve sat at one table. Waitresses would comment on the size and oneness of our family. If they only knew! Tony

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