We all start off life in this way- we are born as a single being. Even if one of a multiple birth it makes no difference for we are all singularly unique. But being single does not mean we are meant to be “alone”. We are born to be part of a family unit, whatever shape and form that may take in 2008. 

Society does tend to label us with the title of “single” at different stages in  life. This includes those who are anticipating marriage or who never marry, divorced,  widowed and those who are single parents.

FEATURE 

The Single Factor                       by Angela Purkiss.

 In the 1990’s statistics showed that 33 percent of the population lived alone and predictions suggested that by 2005 as many as 50 percent of the population would be living alone. In 2005 that prediction  nearly came true - for every 100 people who are married there are 90 unmarried.

Are you single? Are you always being questioned about when you are going to get married? Are you separated or divorced and now feel that you do not fit? Have you taken a conscious decision to be single and celibate?

A single person can be any age or at any stage in their life. We tend to see single people as those who have never married. Increasingly however, our churches must recognise that included in this group are those who were once married and have lost their spouse by death, divorce or separation.

n an article in the observer Newspaper, Nessa MacErlean writes, “we  are in the midst of a huge increase in housing demand by single people… All the demographic and social trends are pointing this way – greater longevity; the postponement of marriage; the greater acceptability of being single and childless; higher divorce rates; a greater acceptance of gays and lesbians; and rising standards of living.”

Society is beginning to accept a move away from the traditional and accepted living patterns. As such policy makers are taking into consideration the social trends that influence policies, for example in determining housing needs and health care provisions.

For many, singleness is seen as the stage before settling down. This has been the case for generations as traditionally young people would either pursue higher education or find suitable employment before getting married.

Whilst it has become acceptable for people to co-habit or form gay and lesbian relationships in society, the Christian church has largely remained true to the Biblical principles that such lifestyle choices are not in keeping with the laws of God.

Singleness and celibacy do however find favour in the Bible. Singleness is acceptable if caused by bereavement and may be tolerated by some in the case of divorce, but many wrongly see the single person over thirty as something of a misfit.

A study of the life of Jesus Christ can quite reasonably focus on His healing ministry, His preaching and teaching, His strength and humility in the face of adversity and many other areas of His life. How many times however do we think of Jesus as a single man over the age of thirty in a culture where people tended to marry in their teenage years? A man who interacted freely with males and females but never had a personal intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

However, this was the reality Jesus was like one of us. He knew the same feelings of loneliness and isolation, He understands our weaknesses, since He had the same temptations we do, though He never once gave away to them and sinned" (Hebrews 4:15 Living Bible). In Matthew 19:11-12, Jesus accepts that the concept of remaining single would not be palatable to everyone, but that those who could accept it, should accept it. Singleness therefore, is not a consolation prize, a state to be pitied but a valid alternative.

Singleness is not a disease. There are millions of single adults in the world and many will remain that way. These people face struggles and pressures as do married people, but also some very different challenges. In order for us to cater adequately for the needs of each group, honest and open discussion of the similarities and differences needs to take place.

The single, celibate lifestyle is a valid alternative and should be respected by individuals who may have made different lifestyle choices.

Our journey through life will take us through many experiences. For some, that will include marriage; for others it will not.

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ISSUES  

24 Hour Parenting  The challenge for those who parent alone

 She is a single mum, divorced with two children, aged eight and ten. She has found work in the local supermarket and works there part time, allowing her to take the children to, and from, school. The children see their father at weekends and occasionally during the week. Lone parenting is becoming a reality for many families today.

 Unique challenges The main difference between parenting with two people, and with one, is that someone on their own is parenting 24 hours a day. For many there will be no contact with the absent parent, and for others, erratic encounters that can be distressing. Being aware of the varying pressures that lone parents face will help us to understand the difficulties and structure our help and support in more practical and beneficial ways.

Financial pressures - Lack of money is a serious problem for most single parents. Children are strongly influenced by peer pressure and if the parent is not able to give their children what others have it can add to the parent’s pain and feelings of failure.

Super parenting - Parents want to give their children the best they can and to protect the children from as much pain as possible. This often results in the parent trying to become Super mum or Super dad or to be both Mum and Dad. This is an impossible task which adds to the pressures of single parenting and can undermine the self-esteem of a parent even more.

Children in lone parent families often miss out on experiencing relationships with both genders. If there are opportunities for children to relate to other adults they will have role models to follow.

Fears and concerns - Parenting alone can be frightening. Fears for the safety of the children are heightened, especially if there has already been abuse.

Experiencing the loss of a partner can create a need to cling tightly to what is left - the children. Losing one parent means the child may fear losing the other one too.

Contact times - Both parents are affected by the amount of time that they spend with their children. The parent with everyday care may be terrified at what may happen to the children and there may be concern for the child’s safety and welfare. They may feel lost without the children, or alternatively may welcome the opportunity for time and space for themselves.

The popular perception that vandals, muggers and other criminals all come from ‘broken homes’ can drive single parents still further. Many can feel that they are doomed to failure. Others try so hard to get it right with their children that they end up burnt out and exhausted. Often, lone parents can feel that they are facing struggles in parenting because they are on their own, when in fact; they are merely facing the common problems of being a parent. It is important that they have contact with other parents, including married ones, who can help them to feel more ‘normal’. What is really needed is acceptance, praise and encouragement instead of criticism.

Twelve tips for supporting lone parents

 Ø      Ask what is needed, and suggest ways of helping. Don’t just say “ring when you want something” most people don’t.

Ø      Listen, don’t be quick to give advice.

Ø      Telephone calls with someone who is really listening can be a lifeline.

Ø      Be interested in the life of the children.

Ø      Be a friend, chat about other things too and listen. Often evenings (when the children are in bed), Sundays, Bank Holidays, Easter and Christmas are the loneliest times. When the children are with the ‘absent’ parent, this again can be strange and lonely.

Ø      Send notes and cards that all say ‘You’re remembered’.

Ø      Value the lone parent as a person in their own right who happens to be a lone parent. Don’t categorise them as a problem.

Ø      Remember important events and be interested “How did the interview go?”

Ø      Give them a chance to have a night off, by being available to baby sit.

Ø      Offer, or help to arrange, practical assistance with house maintenance.

Ø      Help look after parent and children when the parent is ill, there may not be family close by.

Ø      Offer love, imagination and patience.

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HEALTH

How to be Single, Healthy and Happy

Whether you have never married or you're divorced, or widowed you can learn to lead a happy, healthy, full, and satisfying life as a single.

Here are some guidelines that can help you to enjoy life to the full now. We are not; however, suggesting that by doing all, or even some of the things on our list you will have instant health and happiness.

They say that the best medicine is laughter. How can we laugh if we are not happy? A great deal of ill health is due to low self esteem, the attitude of the mind and unhappiness. There is no one formula for a balanced life -each person must find his or her own way, based on the guidelines presented here.

1. Accept yourself. Many a single person today suffers from low self-esteem, occasionally asking himself, "What's wrong with me?" These feelings tend to isolate the single, for the fear of rejection which is greater than the loneliness he feels. Discover yourself; list your strengths, liabilities, goals, and interests. If you find yourself lacking in some areas, work on them. Improve yourself but accept what you cannot change. Above all, avoid self-pity.

2. Accept your circumstances. The secret of happiness, says the apostle Paul, is to be content in whatever circumstances you find yourself in. Loneliness is a necessary part of life -even for married people. Find effective ways of relieving loneliness. Don't apologise for being single', don't accept the negative view society has of the single life, either.

3. Serve others. Singleness presents greater availability for ministry to others. Self-centredness is a major part of unhappiness as a single. By giving of yourself you receive.

4. Enjoy life now. Don't cherish some lost moment of the past or chase some elusive dream of the future -go places, do things, enjoy people. Pursue your interests. Don't be afraid to do things alone, if need be.

5. Be independent, maintain ties with family and friends, but don't let them run your life. We all need emotional support, but we must also learn to stand on our own feet, make our own decisions and handle our own finances.

6. Learn self-control. Overindulgence is costly. You may not have someone to answer to, but intemperance may strip you of your self-respect so that you can’t even live with yourself. This principle involves proper care of the body. Exercise, rest, and recreation help relieve tension and prolong life. 

7. Express your emotions.  Denying pent-up emotions leads to frustration. Communicate with people. Let them know your feelings. There are many outlets for the strong emotions you feel - enjoying the company of a neighbours child', telling your sister “love you”, baking a cake for the old lady next door. In relationship with the opposite sex, feelings can be expressed without intimacy. Even small acts can communicate your special feelings for that person. Each single must depend on the power of Jesus to keep him or her from sexual sins. This is no easy struggle, but one that must be overcome.

8. Make Prayer and Bible Study a part of your daily life. These are a constant source of strength and comfort to the singles that must face many trials alone. It teaches them to live in hope and by faith.

9. Communicate with nature. Get in touch with the world around you. Quiet moments alone, especially when surrounded by nature to reflect upon the goodness of God and His ever-present love, refresh the soul. God for a walk in a park or countryside setting; the green of nature will help relax you and the walk is good exercise.

10. Let God be your Friend. Believe that He loves you and wants to care for you. Trust Him. Take this time of single life to get to know Him personally. Many people rush into marriage without establishing a true relationship with God. 'Then when trouble dispels marital bliss, they lack the power of Jesus in their lives to help heal the relationship. Don't miss the chance to experience God in a real and personal way.

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INSPIRATION 

The Whole Woman    by Doris Adams

 God looked at Adam after he had named the newly created animals, and saw that although the animals all had partners; the man created in His own image was all alone.

"It is not good for the man to be alone," said God. "I will make an help meet for him."

With that God caused Adam to fall asleep and from his side He took one rib. This rib God used to make a perfect woman.

In their shame and embarrassment they sewed fig leaves to cover themselves. Down the ages, man has continued to move away from God. and we have sewn more elaborate garments to cover our feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.

Women today have potential to be the beautiful creatures that we were meant to be, and indeed can once again become. We have lost sight of the fact, we were created not only to help meet household bills, or to be so productive in the workplace that we contribute to the reduction of the national debt.

We are also helpmeets to other women, to empathise, sympathise and above all encourage each other to lift ourselves from the dust of despair. Women truly know what is under the wrappings that cover the insecurities and feelings of pain that other women experience and can therefore, help one another to take the first steps towards wholeness again.

Shattered lives can be put back together again, by women uniting together in prayer and supplication to Christ the Creator, who can take the ribs of indifference and pain and recreate them into new life full of purpose, fulfilment and wholeness. The invitation from Him to all women, therefore, is "Come, that I may give you life and give it more abundantly".

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