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A NEW SEASONLast night was a very cold, windy stormy night. The weather report spoke of gusting winds up to 90 miles an hour and when I was driving on the M1 to Leeds there was a ‘severe weather warning’ on the overhead information boards on the motorway. I was very glad to get home in one piece as it was rather unpleasant to be out. So, it seemed that we were well and truly in the grips of winter with all its icy misery and I must confess that summer and its joys were the last thing on my mind as I crept into bed. Imagine my surprise this morning when, as I was making my bed, I noticed a pinkish hue to the bare branches of the tree outside my bedroom window. I stopped what I was doing and went over to the window to take a closer look. There were indeed tiny little buds on the branches. I could hardly believe it. Now, I love the tree outside my window. It is very beautiful in the springtime with it’s multitude of cheerful blossoms and lovely in a different way, in summer when it’s full of very large, very green leaves. It provides both beauty and shade, not to mention a home for a few bird families and a playground for a squirrel or two. Why am I telling you this? Well, this morning as I took in the fact that the tree outside was getting ready for a new stage or phase of its life, regardless of the fact that the weather was still really bad; regardless too of the disappointing weather prospects for the rest of the week; regardless also of the fact that it doesn’t look too appealing at all right now- just thin, bare little branches sticking out into the icy wind. Today, there are no birds nesting in its branches, there are no pretty flowers, no one want to sit in its shade- it just looks a bit pathetic really- but take a closer look and it is evident that it is getting ready for beautiful things. I would like to take a lesson from the tree outside my bedroom window. I would like to take the lesson for my life and ask that you will apply it to yours. We have a brand new year on hand. A year that might not look too attractive right now because we have so many issues and problems carried over from last year. We have financial burdens and complicated relationships and unfulfilled dreams. And really we can be forgiven for feeling like we’re just in the grip of a long, cold, unrelenting winter with one storm after the other. I would like to suggest we take a closer look at our bare branches and see that it was necessary to lose the once beautiful foliage of the old year in order to make room for the beautiful promise-filled buds of the new. Only then we can be in full bloom when summer comes. When summer comes and our true beauty is revealed we can provide a nesting place for birds, shelter for those who need it and bring happiness and beauty to those whose lives we are honoured to touch- our partners and spouses, our children, our colleagues etc 6 Ways to bring Hope in the New Year
(All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Ps139: 16-17)
In conclusion Winter is never forever. The seasons always change and so do you. Make sure that you embrace change which is positive, uplifting and taking you ever nearer to Gods ideal for you. God never expects the impossible from us we need to see the possibilities He has placed within us. Pray for open eyes and hearts to believe that we can do better than we have up to this point- our possibilities are endless, just like our God.
What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God- Danish proverb
By Geraldene Farmer
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Giving in 2009 – Trap or Triumph? By R Joy Hallam Clinical Psychologist, Brisbane Sound reasons for not giving to others have been advocated in the media in recent years. This has left some Christian women in confusion. We have wondered how not giving can reconcile with the sacrificial giving of Jesus. His was a self-deprivation that led to death on the cross for us. When many of us were growing up, “Deny yourself” (Mark 8:34) was the dictum for determining our behaviour. There was subtle pressure to feel guilty about saying “no” to almost any request. We women were often vulnerable to men who controlled us by seduction and intimidation. Then we learned from the self-help literature that to deny yourself could actually hurt another. Giving could be hurtful also if it encouraged others to evade responsibility for themselves, their work or their emotional or sexual state. But this kind of giving without restraint actually contradicts the Scripture that directs men to “carry their own loads” (Gal 6:4); and it can produce people who come to believe their well-being is someone else’s problem. “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35) was another time-hallowed Christian teaching to be challenged by society. Books like Women Who Love Too Much made us take a second look at how much we gave, and at the need to say “no”. The reality that many “givers” did not end up “blessed” but bitter, deprived and hurting was noted. A second reality that many “givers” were in fact “getters” was also pointed out. These “givers” were not giving out of love but were motivated by fear. They may be giving to stop someone from leaving; to avoid someone being angry with them; to get approval; to impress or because they have over-identified with someone else. The problem is that such people are giving out of an empty heart. If we do not give out of fullness, there will always be “strings attached” and hidden expectations. The giving will not be a gift but a down payment for some reciprocity. Alternatively, we may give because we require a needy person round us in order to be distracted from our own pain. All such giving leaves the giver hurting, feeling let down, confused, or resentful. It also constitutes a spiritual lie where the mouth is saying “yes” but he heart is saying “no”. In that giving can be a disguise for manipulation, it is clear that giving for even a good purpose is not always healthy. Scripture supports the notion that people have a free choice in how much they give and should not be intimidated into giving more. What we have is our treasure and how much we give needs to be chosen or decided by us (2 Cor 9:7). With the awareness that giving could be manipulative or even hurtful, many women began shifting their focus to their own needs. Love often came to be determined by “what I happen to feel like doing” without considering others. The new emphasis on feeling good about giving made sacrificial giving seem irresponsible. It was declared to be incompatible with love. However, sacrificial giving can still be wholesome. We all need a sense of connection with others, to feel care for them and to enjoy seeing them grow and benefit from our involvement with them. If we are not reaching out to others in some ways, we are not loving. We have disowned our heart and our heart is the very core of our being. Taking responsibility for our heart includes doing favours and sacrificing for other. While Paul advises that people should carry their own “loads”, he also directs us to help others with their “burdens” (Gal 6:2-4). It is appropriate to support others in their new ventures while they are developing confidence. It is also appropriate to stand by people committed to change while they are overcoming their addictions (eg anger, workaholism, drinking). Love is still about being sensitive, caring and considerate. In order to show love and responsibility to others, consider saying
In order to show love and responsibility to yourself, consider saying
If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other And ourselves, I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; But I am in this world to confirm you As a unique human being, And to be confirmed by you. We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; The “I” detached from a “Thou” Disintegrates. I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life Of reaching out, Rather than passively letting things happen to me, I can intentionally make them happen. I must begin with myself, true; But I must not end with myself: The truth begins with two. Tubbs, “1972 in Dublin,” 1977:142 Acknowledgement is given to J Townsend and H Cloud, authors of “BOUNDARIES” (Michigan: Zondervan Pub. Hs., 1992) for many of the ideas presented in this article. (Used with permission – ‘Going Places’, Spring 1997)
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A Weigh of Life! - By Sue Rad, Nutritionist & Accredited Practising Dietitian Great expectations. Would you like to look like Barbie? There’s really no point trying. According to new research you can’t, no matter what you try. More realistically, but hardly comforting, a South Australian study also found that only 5-10% of young women are ever likely to qualify as a catwalk model, while less than 1% have a change of looking like a supermodel – you know, the 177cm tall woman with no hips who weighs a mere 54kg! So where does that leave most women who are constantly striving to lose weight to attain a fashionable body? That depends on their attitude. Certainly, being obese is dangerous to your health. Even though there are more fat men than fat women in Australia and New Zealand, one third of women are overweight and a further 13-18% obese. But striving for unrealistic thinness can be just as bad. It can mess up your metabolic rate and make it even harder to lose weight by keeping you on that dieting merry-go-round. That doesn’t mean you should totally ignore excess weight and pay no attention to your health. The issue is how to safely lose body fat if you need to, and how to keep it off. Diets generally don’t work. If you’ve been a dieter, you may already know that most diets don’t work, that is, in the long-term – when you’ve gone back to your usual eating pattern and probably stopped exercising. If you are overweight, the only way you will be able to get some weight off and maintain a lower weight, is by making progressive but permanent changes to your lifestyle. This includes what you eat, how often you eat it and your activity level. Admittedly, weight loss that results from this approach is slow – perhaps 1 kg per month, and this may be where many women lose their patience. However, it is steady and more likely to be permanent. Also, this way you have time to adjust and also have the opportunity to learn about healthier cooking methods, what to buy in the supermarket, and how to programme regular times for outdoor activities with the whole family. However, everyone has slightly different needs and abilities. For some women, who are unable to exercise, simply preventing further weight gain is an enormous achievement. It is important to appreciate that before you can lose weight, you first need to stop gaining it. Lifestyle changes needed. Below are some pointers to get you started on the right track to a healthier lifestyle. If you would like personalized advice, you should seek out an Accredited Practising Dietician. See the Yellow Pages. 10 Tips for Healthy Weight Control 1. Base your diet around plant foods. Make sure you are eating plenty of vegetables (fresh and cooked), fruits, wholegrain products and legumes. These contain dietary fibre which makes them filling. They are also full of nutrients and naturally low in fats, so keep an eye on what you add to them. 2. Instead of meats, try using more legumes such as lentils and soybeans or convenience foods made from these like-tofu, Soy Healthy schnitzels, burgers and fillets. Grain based products are also good. These contain no cholesterol and are low in saturated fat. Some processed foods made from legumes and grains may have added oils, but the levels are often much lower than what is found in many meat dishes. 3. Be fussy with added fats. Olive oil, canola oil and vegetable oils are better choice than margarine or butter, but that doesn’t mean you can fry everything. Mostly, use cooking methods where you only need to add a little oil. A drizzle of oil on salad is not a disaster, but lashing of oil or mayonnaise on everything you eat, will boost your fat intake. Try the variety of flavoured vinegars, lemon juice, or get some fat free mayo if dressings are a regular part of your diet. Use low fat yoghurts of cultured buttermilk in place of cream or sour cream when cooking or for that dollop on the potato. 4. Include some naturally high fat whole foods which are bursting with nutrients, but don’t go overboard. Nuts and avocado are such examples. The Adventist Health Study which first identified the link between frequent nut consumption and a 50% reduction in the risk of heart disease also found that the people who ate nuts often did not have higher rates of obesity. 5. Stick to main meals, and limit snacks. If you don’t fill up on nutritious food during a meal, you are more likely to go looking for something to nibble on afterwards. Often, such choices are less nutritious. If you are feeling puckish, fresh fruit is the ultimate choice and there are so many varieties that it should never become boring. 6. Take-aways can be a trap but wanting to avoid the worst type doesn’t mean you have to stop going out. Best choices include stir-fry veges on steamed rice (ask them to give you fresh rice from the rice cooker), bean burrito (without the sour cream!), vegetarian pizza (ask for only a sprinkle of cheese), pasta with a tomato based sauce or salad stuffed pita bread. 7. Regular exercise is not only important to successfully lose weight but is required to help keep it off. 67% of all Australians have no or a low level of exercise. Good health guidelines recommend you include one hour of walking each day. If you are not used to exercising, start with 20-30 minutes at least four times per week and gradually build up. Some studies have found that 60-80 minutes of moderately intense exercise is still required on most (if not all) days, to help keep the weight off, once women have lost it. 8. Keep a food diary recording everything you eat and drink for a couple of weeks. This is useful to help you become more aware of what you are eating. It can be surprising how little things add up, when you record everything. 9. Aim for no more than 0.5 – 1 kg weight loss per week. This is a relatively fast rate of weight loss which requires a significant amount of exercise if it is to be maintained. However, managing to even lose 1 kg every month, still means you would lose 6 kg in 6 months! 10. Splashing out! There are times, when food is the centerpiece of a social occasion. This doesn’t mean you can’t eat anything. Just be choosy about how much you eat. This way you can have your cake and eat it too! Smorgasbords are one of the worst as they promote overeating. A la carte menus are a better option.
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We were exploring the North York Moors in Northern England. The lanes meandered between high hedges and ancient fields. We held our tummies as we crossed sparkling streams on small hump-backed bridges. We drove past castles, ruined abbeys, and picturesque villages, up to a Forest Park. Every time we go on holiday with our three children we try to find a forest park with an orienteering course. The children love to follow the map, design routes and collect the letters from the hidden markers. Collecting the letters shows that you have genuinely followed the course. This orienteering course in Dalby Forest was beautiful. A lake nestled quietly in the valley; there were forest sculptures to discover; and acres of open moors to roam across. We chose a course to suit our time-scale and mixed abilities, and set off. Even though, with a compass and detailed map, we could cut across country, we decided to stay with the established pathways. But the course took longer than we thought, and the sun began to drop lower in the sky. From the map we saw that there was a good short-cut between two of the orienteering markers. The map described the area where we would take the short cut as – ‘open forest – for running through’, so we figured the terrain wouldn’t be too demanding. To begin with the forest wasn’t too difficult, but soon we noticed that the floor of the forest was becoming more and more difficult. There must have been a terrific storm since the map had been drawn! Most of the trees had fallen down. They lay, criss-crossing each other across our path. Our route became a struggle. Soon we could no longer walk on the ground. We clambered up onto the horizontal trunks, and walked along, sometimes six feet above the ground! We clung to the vertical branches for support, but often they would snap in our hands. At the base of the tree we would have to negotiate around the roots, tangling up towards the sun. Sometimes we had to crawl on hands and knees under trunks, trying to avoid marshy spots and nettles. One child began to cry. Every foot we covered demanded our full attention. I slipped, skinning my shins through my jeans. But we kept going, knowing that the other path would appear soon. What should have been an easy, five-minute walk, became forty minutes of struggle! Sometimes in life it is easy to think we don’t have to stick to the paths. We know a better way, a quicker way, a shorter way, and we try to go our own direction. We may end up lost, confused, struggling and hurt…. It was such a relief when we broke free of that storm-tangled forest and found the clear path again!
Karen Holford has written several books, including ‘Please God Make My Mummy Nice,’ about how being a mother has taught her so much about God’s love. She enjoys writing, crafts, being a mom to Bethany, Nathan and Joel, and working with her husband, Bernie, in the Family Ministries Department of the South England Conference.
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So did you make a New Year’s resolution? - by Jonathan Barrett I was with a group of eight or nine people the other day and I asked if any had made a New Year’s resolution. None had! I was surprised. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been. After all, I never make any myself. I wonder if people still decide to do things differently at this time of year? If you read some of the online chat on the Internet it appears that many people do make resolutions. It seems that the most popular ones are to do with drinking less alcohol, losing weight and getting fit. Here’s what gaming Dave wrote: ‘I’ve only stuck to one NY resolution. That was five years ago when I said I’d never make any again.’ Well, at least he is realistic! Even though I don’t make resolutions, I do use the New Year period to have a bit of a clear out. I may buy some new clothes in the sales, and that seems a good time to get rid of some old ones. I also like to clear out my office; get rid of old paperwork and so on. Is this a good time for a mental and or a spiritual clear out? Any time is good for that, so if this time of year feels appropriate, go for it! Did you get into some bad habits last year such as neglecting devotional reading, not spending time with Christian friends, missing church, watching things on television that didn’t help you? Now is as good a time as any to decide to improve. True, if your intention takes the form of a resolution with little substance, then you don’t have much chance of succeeding. On the other hand, if you don’t make a decision to change at all, then you stand no chance of changing! I got some money for Christmas (lucky me!) and I intend to use some of it for a spiritual retreat later in the year. Could you do something like that? Plan to go away or visit a Christian bookshop to get some helpful reading material or visit a Volunteer Centre to see what you could do practically to help someone in your community. Even if you don’t want to call it a New Year’s resolution, plan to do something to help yourself or someone else anyway! Top of page |
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Enjoy Connecting with Others in 2009 by Judith Mazz, Counsellor and Single Parent I know I had looked both ways. I really had been careful and I was sure there was nothing there. I was quite confident it was safe for me to back out into the road. This was such a wide, quiet, respectable residential street. By 8.42 am on Monday all the regulars had long gone – headed towards the six-lane highway. This was easy. I would pick up one of my work colleagues and off we would go to the bush for a chaplains’ retreat to “recreate our world” at the hospital. The retreat was going to be the challenging, creative part but I was quite confident about it too. To make matters worse, it wasn’t my car! This shiny new vehicle belonged to the hospital. “Nothing coming around the corner,” I assured myself as I slowly backed into the middle of the road. First I heard a dull thud then I saw what I had done. Horrors! Humiliation! How could I? There I was with the corner of my tail guard wedged into the wheel guard of another car. I couldn’t believe it! It hadn’t come around the corner. It was the car from the house across the street backing out from the driveway opposite mine and I hadn’t seen it. Yet I know I had looked. Our perception (ie what we think we see and how we think we see it) is our reality. This poses a potential problem for us. The belief that one’s own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions.
Paul Watsalwick Unfortunately the selection of information that we choose to recognise is distorted. The process is not objective. Sometimes we simply don’t pay enough attention to important information present (eg I checked the corner of the street but not the driveway. I believed I was in the middle of the road, not beyond it). We might also be on information overload with too many cues to process at one time. So it is that ever act in our interpersonal relationships is filtered or understood through many frames. v Past experience – rather than process the here and now we flash back to other incidents and imagine the present situation is the same. v Assumptions about human behaviour – whether we have faith in human beings or not will influence whether we think favourably or cynically. v Expectations – what we anticipate or imagine the situation to be influences our attitudes. v Knowledge – we can be more realistic in developing our point of view if we collect enough information. v Personal need – emotions can see-saw our thoughts from confidence to insecurity. It is a good idea to check out perceptions rather than jump to conclusions which can be wrong. Checking has three steps 1. Describe the behaviour you noticed. 2. Express two different ways of seeing it. 3. Ask for feedback that helps interpret the behaviour correctly. For example, “When you didn’t call back after you said you would I wondered whether you forgot or were upset with me. What was happening for you?” We don’t usually deliberately misinterpret. It often happens unconsciously and is influenced by how we see ourselves (self-concept). Our self-concept is formed quite powerfully from messages we unconsciously received in the past. These messages are often non-verbal and come from our family-of-origin. If we are fortunate enough to have a healthy self-esteem we are more likely to think well of others. On the other hand, a low self-esteem influences us to be more cynical and think the worst of others. We may be defensive about our position which shifts the blame or responsibility to others, eg a parent blaming the child’s naughty behaviour on the other parent’s characteristics or upbringing. Often we base our case on first impressions without taking later information into account and re-assessing. If we want to align our perception more closely with reality we need to persevere at the developing the ability to empathise – ie being able to connect with another’s point of view so well that for that moment we can think similar thoughts and feel similar emotions. This in turn helps us to be open-minded and committed to connecting with others. (Used with permission – ‘Going Places’, Spring 1997)
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