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Editorial |
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Send your ideas,
thoughts and feelings to LetsConnect
Heather Haworth. Women’s
Ministries Department. British
Union Conference of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
Stanborough Park.
Watford. Hertfordshire. WD25 9JZ. United Kingdom.
email contact:-
Letsconnect
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The Icelandic volcano,
another one this time, has blown debris into the air and so
flights have been cancelled. The fact that the May bank holiday
may be effected is very frustrating for those whose plans it
will impact. The saying, “Better safe than sorry” comes to mind.
When you read Karen Holford’s scary flight experience you may
agree it is sometimes better to stay on the ground.
In this issue Karen opens up
to us her diary. You will see how we can make it our lifestyle
to have a thankful heart, deal with the issue of lacking in
confidence and enjoy the touch of an “angel”. Sharon continues
our journey in dealing with stress while Alysse shares the items
that wing their way into her emails. You will find these in the
Potpourri and Men’s pages.
Only one more comment to
make and that is “Bon Voyage” as you travel through this issue
of Letsconnect and also on your holidays.
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Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest: Each
morning your bank would deposit £86,400.00 in your private
account for your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has certain
rules.
The
first set of rules would be:
Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken
away from you.
You may not simply transfer money into some other account.
You may only spend it.
Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with
another £86,400.00 for that day.
The
second set of rules:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can
say, It’s over, the game is over! It can close the account and
you will not receive a new one.
What
would you personally do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not
only for yourself, but for all people you love, right? Even for
people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it
all on yourself, right? You would try to spend every penny, and
use it all, right?
ACTUALLY, This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just
can't seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of
life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is
NOT credited to us.
What we haven't lived up that day is forever lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve
your account at any time....WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in
dollars.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much
quicker than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life!
Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.
Start spending.
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I was just fourteen and
flying into Birmingham, Airport, England. We were about
to land, and had almost touched the runway, when the
plane took off again and rose steeply into the night
sky. We began to circle the airport and I looked down to
see fire engines, and ambulances racing onto the runway
and into a special waiting area.
The pilot made an
announcement. ‘I’m afraid we have a slight technical
hitch, and we will be circling around for a while to use
up as much fuel as possible before we land. The control
tower has told us that there is a fault with our
undercarriage. It may have been damaged on take off…’
Everyone was silenced. I
knew my parents were down there in the airport waiting
to meet me. I wondered about the ‘slight technical
hitch’. A damaged undercarriage seemed a serious problem
if we were ever going to land. The atmosphere was tense
and sharp. A lady began to cry.
Up there in the night
sky, there was absolutely nothing I could do in my human
strength. I was fourteen, alone, inexperienced, shy, and
knew nothing about airplanes. So I prayed. Even the
pilot was limited in what he could do. No human could go
out there and mend the damage whilst we were still
flying. I wondered what it would be like to die. It took
a long time to burn the fuel down. A long time to
think, and a long time to pray. But I felt wrapped in a
comforting sense of peacefulness.
Finally the pilot
announced that it was time to attempt the landing, and
we prepared ourselves for whatever might happen after
that. I watched the ground come closer, and prayed
harder.
We glided onto the
runway with one of the smoothest landings I had ever
experienced, and finally came to rest on a stretch of
runway furthest from the terminal. Everyone cheered and
laughed! The emergency vehicles headed back to the
depot, as we finally climbed out of the plane.
Now, older, but perhaps
not so wiser, I sometimes think I can fix my own
undercarriage, and I forget that God can mend anything
much better than I can. Everyday I need to take a seat
in His plane, no matter how dark the night, how alone I
feel, or whatever fears and dangers I might face, and be
totally dependent on Him to bring me to a safe place.
And He always does.
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I was working towards my
Masters degree in Family Therapy. The course was long,
involved, and exciting, but also emotionally draining at
times. As part of the course we would have to video our
sessions with clients, and watch them so that we could
observe ourselves very closely, noticing things our
style, our questions and the responses of our clients. I
found watching the videos very painful. I was good at
noticing things that I thought were my ‘mistakes’, and I
would soon feel discouraged about my progress. I
wondered if I could ever be good enough to be a family
therapist.
I finally plucked up the
courage to talk to my supervisor. ‘Karen,’ he said, ‘you
are doing just fine for this stage in the course. You
have the potential, if you keep on working and learning,
to be a good family therapist.’
‘But when I look at my
videos I see myself as clumsy and awkward!’
‘I have never noticed
that,’ he said, ‘I’m just looking at the things you do
well and I see that you are doing more things well every
time you work, that’s how I evaluate you. Next time you
look at your learning videos, look at them through my
eyes, eyes that are looking appreciatively at your work.
When you watch other students’ work you always notice
the things they’re doing well, so just try doing that
for your own work.’
It was hard. I was so
used to looking at my work through critical eyes. But
slowly I began to learn to look at my work differently,
and to notice that sometimes even my ‘mistakes’ opened
new possibilities for talking with my clients.
Later, I was writing a self-assessment about
my progress as a therapist. I wrote about my
self-doubts, and my struggle to be more confident. My
report returned with a comment from my supervisor.
‘Karen, I have noticed your increasing confidence. I am
looking forward to seeing what you will become.’
Those few gentle words kept me going through
many challenging moments. They also helped me to
understand more about how God sees us. It is not that He
is blind to our faults, but He is more interested in
looking at what we are doing well, and, more than
anything, He is looking forward to what we will become.
When God is looking at you through
appreciative eyes, what does He see, and what are His
hopes for what you will become with Him?
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GENDER DIFFERENCES
Studies show equal numbers of men and women complaining
of stress. However, they are stressed by different
things and also react in different ways.
STRESSORS
FOR WOMEN
Poor work/life balance.
Many working women carry the lion’s share of childcare,
housework and caring for older relatives.
Pregnancy.
Stressors include hormonal changes, pregnancy-related
symptoms, altered body image.
New baby.
Stressors include lone parenting, relationship
difficulties with partner, financial concerns, career
break or change, postnatal depression.
Children.
The main stressor: high dependency. A parenting
magazine survey found that 51% of full-time mothers felt
regularly stressed, compared to 29% of working women
without children.
Caring for relatives.
The chief stressors are repetitive and demanding
chores. There are 6.8 million people (mostly women) in
Britain caring for disabled or frail elderly relatives.
Bereavement.
Women are more likely to suffer bereavement as they
generally live longer than men.
STRESSORS
FOR MEN
Peter Baker, editor of the website malehealth.co.uk,
states, ‘Stress is not just about having a hyperactive
lifestyle.’ He adds, ‘Having no role and being hard-up
is very stressful too.’
Unemployment.
Stressors include loss of self-esteem, and financial
difficulties.
Work changes.
Stressors are outsourcing, longer hours, temporary
contracts.
Changing roles.
Stress arises as a result of not being the main
breadwinner.
Modern man.
Society now expects men to devote more time to home and
family as well as work. Subsequently, after working
long hours, men feel pressured to be domesticated,
entertain the children, and be ideal partners.
HOW
WOMEN COPE
Women are generally better than men at seeking help when
stressed: they are more comfortable sharing their
feelings and talking about everyday life challenges.
Twice as many women as men see their doctors about
anxiety, depression and stress rather than waiting for a
physical problem to develop.
Carole Spiers, an occupational stress counsellor, agrees
that women often cope with several demands because they
are naturally more ‘multi-tasked’.
HOW
MEN COPE
Men are less likely than women to talk about how they
feel and seek help from a doctor or anyone else. Most
men wait until medical symptoms of stress emerge, such
as chest pains, headaches and stomach problems, before
visiting their GP. They tend to choose escape routes
like exercise, drinking, smoking or driving
aggressively.
Mind reports that three-quarters of suicides in the UK
are by men. Research suggests men suffer equally from
depression as women, but are less likely to be diagnosed
by a doctor.
Reports indicate that both men and women benefit
equally from effective stress management.
Good health!
Sharon Platt-McDonald
RGN, RM, RHV, MSc
Health Ministries
Director, BUC
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The
Touch of an Angel
Before they call I will answer. Isaiah 65:24, NIV.
My
husband and I were teaching a group of pastors and their
wives in Romania. We had to adjust our planned seminars
as we learned about the different needs of the people,
speaking mostly through translators, and standing up as
we presented. We were passionate about our topic, and
enjoyed the challenge of teaching in a very different
culture to our own. In the breaks we were counselling,
talking to people, or preparing for the next
presentation.
With so much happening,
and probably so much adrenalin coursing through my body,
I hadn’t realized how tense my body had become, and how
tight my shoulders were. But Lily had noticed, and she
had an idea.
Over a cup of fruit tea,
Lily came to speak to me. She was a pastor’s wife who
had learned how to do massage in Norway. ‘I have a
special gift that I will give you tonight after you have
finished speaking. I will come to your room and give you
a back, head and face massage. You are getting very
tired and stiff and when I have massaged you, you will
feel much better.’
Late in the evening Lily
came to our room and gifted me with the most wonderful
massage, kneading into my tight shoulders, loosening my
scalp and soothing my face. As I lay there, feeling the
wonderful relaxing movement of her hands, it was as if I
was being touched by an angel, as if what she was giving
me was a gift from God, as if her hands were showing me
the love that God wanted to me to experience. By the
time she finished I was almost asleep, pleasantly and
deeply drowsy.
Her gift was the perfect
gift for me. I didn’t even know that I needed such a
gift, but she had seen me through different eyes, eyes
that could see the tension in my body, and eyes that
cared enough to minister to my need.
In a situation where we
were giving so much, it was just what I needed to stop
for a few minutes and receive something from someone
else. The memory of Lily’s gift will stay with me
always, and soothe my heart, even when she isn’t there
to soothe my body.
Through her gift, I was
touched by an angel, and loved by God.
I wonder how God will
use me today to touch someone with His love. May He use
me to bless someone, by meeting a need they have, even
before they are aware of it for themselves.
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THE BANK ACCOUNT
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who
is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his
hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even
though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home
today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the
move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently
in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when
told his room was ready.
As he manoeuvred his walker to the elevator, I provided
a visual description of his tiny room, including the
eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an
eight-year-old having just been presented with a new
puppy.
"Mr Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait," I
said.
"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he
replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of
time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on
how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my
mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I
make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I
can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I
have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or
get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll
focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've
stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is
like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put
in. So my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of
happiness in the bank account of memories!"
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1.
Free your heart from hatred.
2.
Free your mind form worries.
3.
Live simply.
4.
Give more.
5.
Expect less. |
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When my family asked me
what I wanted for my birthday last year I asked for a
‘block of the month’ quilt. Each month I would be sent
all the fabrics and patterns I would need to create one
pattern block for the quilt. The quilt they purchased
for me is called ‘Heartfelt Thanks’. There are ten
squares of different sizes, and each one is appliquéd
with a different thing to be thankful for, such as
plentiful harvests, homes, friends and family, angels,
peace and harmony, and of course, cozy old quilts!
The year has been very
busy, but I have managed to squeeze in the time to cut
fabrics, piece border blocks, appliqué designs, and back
stitch the wording. The quilt will be finished just in
time for my next birthday. When life felt very crazy,
when I was sick for three months, when I had a
dissertation to finish, when our teenage daughter became
ill, when work threatened to overwhelm me, I could take
time out, in the fragments of my life, and relax with
the ‘thankful quilt’, and remember that there was much
to be thankful for, even in the chaotic darkness of some
of those moments.
Now, as I am
hand-quilting around the appliquéd images, I have more
time to reflect. I had followed the pattern created by
the designer, but what if I had designed my own
‘thankful quilt’? How would I have changed the designs?
What would I have wanted to thank God for? Yes, I am
glad for all the things that designer included on her
quilt, but I would have added some other things. Health,
my church community, the fun of creativity, laughter, a
good night’s sleep, God’s protection of us, His
forgiveness, His amazing love, hope of a future in
heaven, a life full of meaning and purpose.
But, although they have
not been included in the project, those things are
there, appliquéd on the quilt of my heart, and I am
thankful for them. What are you thankful for? How do
those things bring quilt-like warmth, color and comfort
to your life? If you made a thankful quilt what would be
on your ten blocks? Maybe you’re not a quilter. You
could take a basket, and fill it with things that
represent what you are thankful for – a photo of a
friend, a model of a tiny house, a Bible verse that
encourages you… then offer up heartfelt thanks to God
who has extravagantly given us all these gifts.
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