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Getting out of debt

In The Money Secret, Rob Parsons gives hope to people who are in debt – that there is a way out – and outlines ways of managing our finances more wisely.

Here are 10 Top Tips from The Money Secret to get you thinking about how you handle your money:

1) Know the worst! Open all bank statements and bills. List all your debts, large and small.

2) Keep a record of what you spend and where you spend it. Knowing how you spend your money will help you control your spending. You could carry a notebook with you and, for three months, record all items of expenditure … however small!

3) List your monthly/weekly income and expenditure. Can you make any realistic cutbacks to increase the money available for creditors?

4) Some debts are more important than others. Work out which are priority debts, e.g. mortgage, rent, utilities, council tax, income tax, fines and maintenance, and which are non-priority debts, such as credit cards, store cards and catalogues.

5) Consider what offer of payment you can make to each creditor. For priority debts, try to offer the current charge plus something towards the arrears. For non-priority debts, offer what you can, even if it’s £1.00 per month, until your circumstances improve.

6) Write to your creditors explaining your financial difficulties. Send them a copy of your income and expenditure form. Ask if they will agree to accept the offer of payment and freeze the interest.

7) Credit and store cards. After priority debts, if you have enough money spare, hit those cards! Start by paying the minimum amounts on all your cards, except for the one with the highest interest rate. Put all you have into paying that card off, then once the debt has been dealt with completely, move on to paying off the card with the next highest interest rate. Soon the house of cards will come crashing down.

8) Rediscover cash – especially if you find it hard to keep track of your spending when using credit or debit cards. If necessary, withdraw your budgeted amount of cash for the week at the beginning of the week and resolve to just using that!

9) Don’t be tempted to transfer all your debts into ‘one easy monthly payment’ secured on your house. If you fail to keep up with payments, you risk losing your home.

10) Don’t despair! With help you can get through this. Consider making an appointment to see a free debt advisor. They will not judge you.

Body Image Tips

Tell your kids they look fantastic (even if you sometimes wish they were really a bit more concerned about how they look!) Always emphasise that a beautiful, kind and generous personality it much more important than an amazing physique. Don’t worry about your children wearing fashions and styles you hate (it’ll pass!). However, do keep an eye out for real worries affecting self-esteem. When you spot something, talking it over with your child may not always the best thing to do. Take practical action instead: prepare healthy meals, organise sports and activities, consult experts, buy contact lenses and spot cream. And remember that it’s not particularly helpful if you are constantly obsessing about your own appearance!

“Build up their self-esteem consistently – keep praising them – tell them they are a star – when they are going out tell them they look so cool.”

% of parents giving this tip
No 1 Tip	Tell them you like the way they look	42%
No 2 Tip	Emphasise the importance of the “inner” person	39%
No 3 Tip	Don’t worry about fashion, but do take self-esteem seriously	24%
No 4 Tip	Take practical action if they seem to be becoming obsessive about dieting etc.	23%
No 5 Tip	Don’t obsess about your own appearance	18%
No 6 Tip	Sometimes, you might need to convince them of their self-worth so they take care of themselves, e.g. personal fitness – but do this sensitively	6%

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!

• Over forty percent of parents believe the best way to tackle concerns over body image is to tell children over and over again that they look lovely.

“Tell them they are beautiful as often as you can and always compliment them even on the smallest thing.”

“Tell them they look lovely more often than you tell them they look ridiculous!”

“Love them unconditionally. Always tell them you love them and they look pretty/handsome. There is enough negativity, keep it good at home.”

• Parents believe that by doing this from a young age it can help when they reach difficult teenage years

“Encourage them just to be themselves. I always tell them how lovely they look all the time. I think if they have a good self esteem from an early age they don’t need to

try and fit in as much as they are secure in who they are. Just encourage them as much as possible.”

“Most important – tell them they look great – and tell them that well before they get to the age where they are worrying about their appearance.”

• Many emphasise not making personal negative comments – even in fun, and especially not in front of friends.

“Give them reassurance and never, ever make personal comment about their height, weight, skin etc.”

“Please try to say positive things and refute any negative ones by themselves or others. Never criticise their appearance in public and especially not in front of other children!”

• And parents generally agree that children should know they are always beautiful to their family – outside and in

“Let them know you accept and love them as they are.”

“If I tell my daughter she is beautiful I always say “inside and out” as I am trying to teach her that looks aren’t everything.”

IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE THAT COUNTS

• Almost forty percent of parents advise stressing inner rather than outer beauty to deflect children’s body image concerns.

“Teach them to “be” first and “look” second.”

“Emphasise the good points in their personality – helpfulness, kindness, cheerfulness etc.”

• Many suggest talking about glamorous celebrities to show that beauty does not always equate to happiness and that true friendship does not revolve around appearance

“Point out that the media hypes up looks and that models are not so perfect in real life - in fact no one is. People like you for who you are and if not they aren’t worth having as friends.”

“Look at magazines with them and when they are talking about how people look or fashion discuss what type of person they are instead. Be careful yourself to not be judgemental of people’s looks but look for positive expressions of people’s attributes.”

“Discuss the dreadful images of [a celebrity] – she may be thin but is she happy/healthy etc.?”

• And a number advise parents and children not to make appearance-based negative comparisons and judgements

“Keep your comments about the weight and body image of others positive. If they hear you constantly being negative about how others look they will be more likely to develop unrealistic expectations on their own bodies.”

“Avoid judgemental comments about others based on appearance.”

BAD STYLE IS OK – BAD SELF ESTEEM ISN’T

• About a quarter of parents see concern about appearance as a normal part of growing up which should be tolerated (sometimes through gritted teeth!)

“Of course they want modern fashions; every generation does, so help them make wise choices with a budget. Be flexible; if they make the wrong choice, it won’t last for ever; breathe a little – take a chill pill!”

“It’s normal! Parents need to have real relationships with their children which allow dialogue and discussion across the whole spectrum of life. Of course children are concerned about the way they look but things need to be dealt with in a realistic and meaningful manner.”

• However, these parents also advise watching out for when an interest in fashion starts to turn into a damaging self-confidence issue.

“I think looking good in clothes is a developmental process, not something I’m concerned about. Wanting to look thin is worrying. I encourage her to have healthy role models, not stick insects”!

“Some concern over appearance is normal for all teenagers. However, look out for danger signs such as changes in eating patterns.”

IF WORRIED – ACT

• Just under a quarter of parents suggest doing something practical if children seem to be unhealthily concerned with how they look. This may be more helpful than lengthy discussions.

“I certainly would not recommend talking to an overweight child about dieting – rather to lead the whole family into a healthier diet.”

• Action might include using expert resources

“One daughter was upset about her “puppy fat” aged about 11-12. I went with her to see the dietician at our surgery and we talked about a healthy eating plan. It was very successful because I did it with her and we kept it very light hearted. I was worried that she might become anorexic if I was too heavy handed.”

“My eldest son (12 1/2) is convinced he is too fat. He eats healthily with the occasional treat and we play down his concerns. I did make a point of measuring and weighing him and plotting the results on a child growth chart to show him he was the perfect size and weight for his age! It helped a lot.”

• Or it might be finding ways to stop constant thinking about body image

“Encourage a hobby they are GOOD at and take their mind away from the things they want to change but can’t.”

“We encourage our children to enjoy using their bodies in active outdoor pursuits (canoeing, rock climbing, biking, swimming) and encourage their interest in those by being involved ourselves, so there is less time for them to worry about clothes, make-up etc.”

• Or making purchases which can make a difference in their everyday lives

“If they are really concerned then help them as much as reasonable (e.g. my son hates wearing glasses, feels a “nerd” so I let him choose a pair and make a big thing of paying for them (ouch!)”

“Being part of a group is important and it may be necessary to encourage a child to try contact lenses, make-up etc. if they are concerned about a part of their appearance.”

“Try to think if there is anything you can do to make them feel better – if they are suffering from terrible spots take it seriously and look into getting some really good spot stuff, or buy the stuff that they are trying to tell you about.”

TRY NOT TO BE OBSESSED YOURSELF

• More than one in ten parents find this a difficult issue often because they themselves are concerned about the way they look

“This is a difficult subject for me as I have low self-esteem. I am forever calling myself fat and ugly. It is of concern to me that my daughter will pick up on me putting myself down and start putting herself down. I would find it hard to change my opinion of myself though.”

“As I hate the way I look I struggle to do this well. However, I even talk about that to the girl - about how I have a wrong self of my own appearance.”

• A tip from many is to try to lead by example

“Firstly I think that kids learn from your example - if you constantly talk of diets and losing weight rather than eating healthily and taking exercise to stay fit then what else can you expect your child to think is normal.”

“Lead by example. Take pride in your appearance but don’t allow it to be obsessive i.e. visits to beauty salons or panicking your make-up has run out.”

PRIDE IN APPEARANCE IS SOMETIMES NO BAD THING

• 6% of parents note that concern with body image is important and that in some circumstances they will be judged on how they look

“Although my boys are not yet concerned with the way they look, I encourage them to be for their own good.”

“Main rules are be clean and modest and don’t judge others on appearance - although different when going for a job interview. That is what they will be judged on.”